do you have a moment to cry?

To cry happy tears.

I know this has been making its way around the interwebs but just in case you are yet to see it, just take a few moments and enjoy.

Such beautiful words.

via

Whilst the idea of a video scares me (indeed I am yet to look at the raw footage family made - oh the fear) how sweet and wonderful. A perfect 4 minutes and 25 seconds? Yes, please (well, it's not completely perfect but you know what I mean!)

so to the snow

Two months on from our snowpocalypse I guess it's time I introduced you to the snow.

The snow, the snow, the snow. Oh the snow.

I cannot emphasise this enough, the snow.*

"Ne'er in seventeen years have we had snow so early, oh young lady, this is a joyous sign, blessed be your marriage and may your life be full of happiness"

said the toothless, blind, deeply furrowed soothsayer to me as I walked towards our wedding venue laden with stuff.**

Or in reality anyone I met in the week before the wedding. (the snow part anyway)

So back to the snow?

Shall I let the picture do the talking? Remember Bean is 6' 2" and it only got deeper the further me walked. (Totally worth it for the photographs)

Bean, the lovely Emma Case, Me and a lovely brave Descartes
Taken by my NYC Goddess!

So the snow brought sadness but also happiness too. Most of our family and friends were shattered from clambering through the snow laden with stuff or spending what seemed like hours moving cars. Yet from these moments I will carry the most heartfelt memories of our weekend. (Yes, I think I may be turning into one of those positive people.)

• The memory of trying to push my parents' snow bound car whilst lying horizontally in the air with my feet "firmly" planted on a country wall and then a falling faceplant. (I thought I had dislocated my shoulder - ever the dramatic)
• Trying to move Grumpole's super heavy car when laden with much beer, then said car flailing much to the amusement of the assembling cows.
• "Running" around with my nephews with the snow engulfing their little snow suited bodies.
• Squealing with joy at the appearance of family and friends finally making it to the venue despite looking completely exhausted from their epic journeys.

These are the memories I need to remember and not the tiredness and disappointment. (Remind me when I am grumping, please!)

These moments are very anna and Bean. I could pretend we are hipsters but I'm pretty sure you know we are not! We are all about the giggles and certainly not afraid to make fools of ourselves. Yet the tiredness that ensued led to lack of attention to detail, chaos and generally people thinking they knew what I wanted. (I shall never know why people moved my boxes so I didn't know where anything was....grrr!)

A wedding that is nearly all DIY means that nearly all the stuff for the wedding needed to be packed, unpacked and moved. I really did not think about that when I signed on for a DIY wedding! If I'm honest it barely crossed my mind. I had thought about it, but not in the detail that I needed to. I assumed that things would just happen. What a fool I am. I knew that it would be hard on the Friday night but I sort of just, well forgot. I also sort of forgot that I would be somewhat uncontactable on the Saturday morning. Although I was so happy that I was nested in a little cocoon of joy and love. (The cocoon that looked after me despite knowing so many people were stranded by the snow.)

I guess one of the problems is that I held most of the wedding in my head. I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone involved. One of my biggest mistakes. I know, I know. I knew what I needed to do. I just forgot that I could not do it all on my own.

DIY brides of tomorrow please want to do everything (it's exciting and somewhat empowering) but realise that you will need help. At some point you are going to have to let go and let people help you. Learn from my mistakes.

Indeed I definitely blanked out the concept of having to clear everything else up on the Sunday. That was just, well depressing. Having to throw away your lovingly made decorations and taking down the sweet little touches that your spent hours agonising over is horrible. I now understand why people leave for honeymoon under a blaze of sparklers. The bleakness, I succumbed. It engulfed me. I watched my loved ones leave me to go back to their exciting lives and I was left with seemingly nothing. Such a cruel way to end a wedding. For one who does not life to be the centre of attention I did not want to hugs and love to end. It came as quite the shock. I made Bean feel terrible, like he was not enough for me. Then his hugs came and my tears flowed. He showed me why I could love no-one else the way I love him. He made me realise why we brought everyone together and then triumphed despite, well despite, everything.

So the snow caused problems (more trouble that you can shake a stick at really) but then I remember, the moments. The moments that gave me pictures like this. I may not feel like I look amazing but the moment was amazing. The moment I felt like the Bean and I were the only people in the world. A beautiful delicious intimate moment that I will cherish forever.***

*Yes darling I do even try to get our little in jokes into my posts

**Yes, stuff, I can only try and explain how much stuff we had for the wedding. Stuff is the only word.
***Yes to feeling wonderful and soppy. 

snow much fun*

*yes I am that loser!

This time two months ago. T'was the day before, the day.

I was full of excitement for snow. I still loved snow!**

Make gif animation

Thank you Mr Tinker for your body and Descartes for the photos!

and thank you Cate for introducing me to the excitement!

**Would you like to hear a little more about snow and see some sneaky new pictures tomorrow?

gosh, beauty? Yikes!

If you go down to the woods* today

you're sure of a big surprise

There be a Bean and me on the front page of the channel 4 (one of our main UK tv channels!) beauty website!

Annabel had asked me if we would be happy to have our picture as part of the piece but I expected it to be a tiny photograph rather than, boom pow anna and Bean!

There we are above Gok, the gyspy weddings and Mary Portas!

Here's to us being a beacon of beauty! I do feel pretty today!

*well the channel 4 website on the interwebs.

Morituri te salutant!*

So I before I realised that twitter was the land of milk and honey (you guys are so lovely!) I sort of forgot to tell Bean that my intention was to ask you all such a cheeky request. (Well I'm not sure it's cheeky per say but rather a desperate plea?)

After speaking with him he made me think that I was laying before you a gladiatorial challenge (hence the title - also I do realise they didn't actually say that!). I promise I am not!*

Indeed in these times of economic pressures and this little meme flying around, I would never dream of asking anyone to do more or anything they feel is not good for them.

I fear I can't even offer you real wedding. The venue is not incredibly grand and in February the "grounds" are not particularly beautiful - yet if you fancy an attractive brutalist garden?! (the garden in May is exquisite!) Although I can offer you love, little touches of joy, maybe a little prettiness, a couple of speeches, firewater and hopefully beautiful boys and girls. 

I would want you to be part of the party, to enjoy yourself and feel like you our friend (indeed I think I am lucky enough to now count most of our lovely "suppliers"** from the wedding as friends).

I promise to reply to your wonderful emails in the very near future. I can promise you that every email has made my heart sing with happiness. (Seriously, you have no idea how much it has made me feel better during all this tooth grumpiness.)

All my kisses,

Anna xx

*I'm not suggesting for a moment that we would invite you to partake in a series of duels to the death? Unless you are interested!

**Suppliers is not the word for the lovelies who helped us. There will be many kisses and posts to come about them. I promise. It is the least I can do.

and now for something completely different.

I know, I know. I should not look, leave alone lust, when I have no money.

Yet I adore this.

'The night unravels what the day has wound'

via

Anyone who loves me want to buy me a late wedding present? Gosh I am greedy today! Perfect for a boudoir?

as one door closes....

...another party opens?

So the wedding had issues. I'm increasingly okay about that. (Yes I am.)

However, so many loved ones could not join us for so many different reasons (including the snow).

Thus a little soiree must be planned to celebrate with those absent.

So, we must bring our friends and family together one more time to celebrate our marriage and handily my 29th birthday (I think I need the practice. I am not used to celebrating birthdays but I really do wish to celebrate my 30th in style.)

Despite finding funds are low we hope to celebrate with pretty shoes, the occasional balloon and the chance to wear one's wedding dress once again.

both via 

Where does one buy such pretty candles?

Now here comes the my "little" plea.

Are you a photographer interested in photographing a lovely couples wedding party in south London in early February? 

We would adore to have a visual record of our wedding redux but have nothing necessarily to offer you save bon homie, blog exposure and booze. Although I can promise you deliciously pretty details and people for a portfolio.

Please do get in contact at annaandtheringlondon {at} gmail.com

I would love to hear from you.

ooo check me out!

The wise sage that is I is on RocknRoll Bride today!!!

You know I love my dresses, right?

Let me know what you think and whether you have any other fabulous ideas?

Love, love, Anna xxx

so here's to a new start and a difficult post

I feel like I am about to write my personal statement and applying to university again. Indeed if I had it to hand I would probably plagiarise my words.  I can remember only the first sentence.

"As I watched my grandmother slowly succumb to cancer, I learnt that we must palliate what we cannot cure." 

anna aged 17 (with the usual flair for the dramatic).

Medicine has been my passion for what seems like forever. I remember as an eleven year old girl I became enthralled by the world of forensic medicine and knew that being a forensic pathologist was my calling.  To speak for those so terribly hurt and offer some solace to their families. I must have been a rather macabre child but I just remember being thrilled by the precision and clinical acumen of their work. (I did have rather a few books including an encyclopaedia of forensic medicine).

To work in medicine you have to be passionate. The pay is lousy for the hours worked, I have friends in the city with fewer qualifications earning 4 times more than me (I realise education counts for little in the end). As you climb the slippery ladder you are made to feel stupid by people who have been made to feel stupid before you. It can be the most lonely profession, everyone seems to be swimming yet you seem to be drowning.Yet the job, the work, the challenge is wonderful. It should have been my career. I love (not always the best word) listening to old ladies tell me about their sex lives, old chaps telling me about their wedding day, women confiding in me that their boyfriend caused their injuries, babies holding your finger for the first time whilst finally finishing their feed and comforting the family who have just lost their only child or mother. It is a magnificent job.  It is not always serious job. I have such fond memories of giggles with nurses or trying to convince the radiographer to take the blasted x-ray at 4am in the morning. 

My depression (yes it feels good to own it and know it does not own me)* has made it impossible for me to be responsible for those under my care. I have became the person I despise, the tardy and undependable doctor. I cannot be that doctor. Others are happy being that doctor. I know their type. They see it work as just a job and another step to money and private practice. So now I will get better and find a job that can be my career.  

I cannot imagine my brain not being thrilled by science or medicine. I hope my mind will remain curious. I'm pretty nosy (as many of you know) so I imagine I will! I do just love knowing stuff! I will continue to read and absorb as many facts my little brain can cope with. My only hope is to be the 21st century equivalent of Miss Marple in my dotage. (If you start at a higher level of brain function then the dotage comes more slowly, no?)

Scapel, I will miss you.

But I think I need to care about me more.

I am not sure where this will take me. My qualifications mean nothing in the current economic climate.  It will be a rocky road for me and Bean. I am so happy to have Bean to help me through this. I do love you so.

I hope you will join me on my new path. Your advice and insight is always welcome and will probably be necessary in the coming months.

Also on the off chance you fancy employing an eminently enthusiastic, intelligent, creative lady. I could be your girl.

*Also I know it sounds a little...pyschobabbly.

so it's time for a moratorium

A moratorium on me being so down on myself.

Thank you Emma. I do look rather glam?!

I may not be the prettiest girl but my goodness I was pretty on my wedding day.

Shove it "my conventional thoughts on beauty."  I need to practice what I preach.

No I will never grace the cover of Vogue but damn it girl you must realise that on that day you were pretty.  Bean thought you were pretty and that is good. Maybe that it is all that matters?

I got married, the ceremony was really beautiful. It made me happy.

I hope to hear a collective, "well dur!" about loving my wedding.

Yes weddings are joyous occasions. My wedding was a joyous occasion. The highs do most definitely outweigh the lows. 

So here's to me being positive about the wedding. (I will still mention the times which were not unicorns and rainbows.)

Thank you one and all for reminding what was important. (Thank you, a different Emma in particular)

so the wedding

This is hard to write.

I imagine you may have seen some of the photographs of our wedding.

You have all been incredibly nice.

I was expecting you to be nice, well because I know you are nice.

So truth time.

The thing is if I had seen my pictures of my wedding I would have honestly thought.

"Gosh, she looks terrible, why didn't she put in more effort before her wedding day."

I also said this to Bean, 

His response,

"Yes, Anna that's because you are a bitch" (true story)

I am still not sure about my photographs. I am a little sad I do not look prettier. I am sad that the snow and general kerfuffles meant that I could not organise things the way I wanted. And sadly, I am sad because I did not look the radiant and beautiful bride that usually graces the pages of magazines and blogs. (The very idea makes me sad because I thought I was above such thoughts and it is the love that is meant to shine out from wedding photographs and not traditional "beauty.") It is very confusing to me.

Also, I have very mixed feelings about the wedding. I think one of the reasons I have decided to share my wedding was because it felt like such a disaster. I was (and still am) so disappointed by our venue. Yet the fact our venue let us down (so very much) showed me how much the people around me are so incredibly wonderful. If there were ever a peace time equivalent of the Blitz, it were our wedding. It would have been an unmitigated disaster without the brain and brawn of our family and friends. 

I can't do traditional recaps. It's just not my style. I will probably pick moments and talk about them. Because I do want to talk about the wedding. Yet until now I was still angry and sad. I am so happy to be married but sad our day was marred by such bad feeling and problems.

I had no expectations that the day would be perfect indeed I had often spoken how perfection is rather dull. 

Yet where to start? Is it prudent to begin at the beginning? Yes I believe the scene needs to be set.

The scene that was snow....

until tomorrow my lovelies. 

I do hope you will enjoy my vague ramblings over the next few weeks.