Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Inspiration

I think a lot about inspiration.

I know I am not a creative. I desperately want to be but I am not.

I try to tantalise you with visual inspiration but I know it is not enough.

I'm going to be brutally honest - moodboards often leave me cold. Instead of seeing images which inspire I see cold pictures of things I cannot possibly recreate. Or perhaps I am not sure I want to recreate. I know there are very few original ideas but I know I do want to be that little bit different.

I am a primarily visual learner but know there is a definite kinesthetic element to my understanding so it is not surprising I can't just work things out from pretty pictures. I think I just need to feel things more. This is not a great default setting for someone with relatively high levels of anxiety but to progress I need to do.

We didn't have a very creative wedding but we had a wedding nonetheless. It was a wedding full of love and joy. As I look at my photographs (which I don't love because of what I look like) I remember the moments. The moments that mean so very much more than how I looked. It was how I felt in that moment. I felt so very beautiful and loved. I am learning to forget all those negative thoughts I have about my day and remember it for what it was. A day for Bean and me. Our day. You often don't have a chance to voice your feelings to those you love and have their undivided attention that is the inspirational part of a wedding. It is your opportunity to show your love in any way you choose.


This was the scene in my back garden on monday night. I'm sure I didn't add a filter to the phone. It was so very overwhelming. I know that sounds crazy but it was all encompassing. I cannot explain it. It wasn't just a pink sky. The air was pink. It became part of me. It was beautiful. 

This inspired me.

I wish I had seen it before the my day. I would have pumped pink coloured air into our venue. I understand it's not possible but I would have tried to add a delicious pink haze to everything. Adjust the white balance if you please. It made me feel connected to a random Monday evening. It made me want to be alive. I know - such a crazy thought to feel on another dull day. Yet it was real. There was nothing manufactured about it. It was there to be enjoyed.

I don't know if you've read this post but it is something I want to scream from the rooftops - yes, yes, yes! 

It is not the pretty things you make, it is not the pictures that are taken, it is not the food you eat. I guess what I am trying to say is, "Your wedding day is about the feeling." For everyone this is going to be different. For some the details simply don't matter. To some they very much do. 

My new blog will be about details (I can't pretend I don't love the pretties) but for me the details include the story, the words honestly spoken and the lives forever intertwined. That should be our inspiration not a stupid flag like this. (I still think they are awesome but it was an ultimately pointless exercise.)


The snob in me cries that not every wedding is beautiful but the romantic in me screams that the beauty is there you just have to listen. In amongst the stuff I think is hideous (forgive me but some stuff is truly hideous) is the beauty. I mustn't forget that. There is such pressure for everything to be perfect that I forgot to feel and I am by no means a perfectionist. So I can't possibly imagine how those perfectionists here can step back and enjoy their day.

I know it is but one day. I try and rationalise it and say it is just another day and it isn't that important. The marriage is what is important but the more I think about it the more I realise that the wedding day is important. It is your public declaration. You have the rest of your lives to enjoy your private moments. Your wedding day is about a community and you speaking to that community.

And I for one, want to hear what you have to say.

So listen I will and hope you will want to listen and speak to.

Will you?

6 comments:

  1. I think it's incredibly relative. I know that looking at your wedding made me feel that mine was dreadfully inadequate. Looking at mine may do the same to other people.

    The post you linked kind of irritated me because it insinuated that weddings that are crafted with care and detail are Not Real, which I find ridiculous. But, I think the thing about hyper-detail & perfection is to make sure to allow the imperfections & the mistakes, allow for improv & flexibility within our planning. I.e. instead of a flag that says "whoop!", a table with blank flags and fabric markers for guests to use their own words.

    We were short 2 cakes because they melted, but my brother hiding behind a woodpile and eating them out of a bowl and not sharing is one of the funniest memories of the day.

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  2. I have spent hours poring over wedding blogs, with their 'real weddings' (mostly American, I'm sorry, I'm a UK girl, I can't connect with an American wedding, what is it about them, they're just different, all outdoorsy and beautifully lit and stuff!) and they make me feel so inadequate!

    I'm not skinny, I have serious confidence issues, I am not looking forward to being the centre of attention, but I'm hoping our day will be about sharing our day, with the people we love (and the people we have to have there....!) and hoping that everyone has a good time and I need to obsess less about what other wedding blogs deem acceptable for a wedding, and go with what Andy and I want on our day.

    I looked back at your wedding the other day and I just thought, "Oh my god, how, HOW, will I ever live up to a wedding like that!" It's true, I did.

    But equally, there are some weddings (like the one I went to at the weekend!) where I just though, umm, bored now. But, for those couples, it's meaningful, and how boring would our world be if we were all the same?!

    Anyway, I've rambled, but really, I wanted to say, here here, because I think weddings should be 'organic' and not 'forced'.

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  3. Oh Anna. Sometimes you drive me crazy and sometimes I love you and mainly I think it is because we are both *so alike*.

    I have suffered with depression, I have cried with sadness over photos of beautiful moments because I felt my presence in them let them down. I have ached over whether people liked me over and over again, hoping that a lovely perfect wedding would make me better, more likable, somehow thinner and more beautiful by putting myself in the same kind of wedding that thin, beautiful women have. I desperately want to make people's lives better and am heartbroken when, having done so, they still don't treat me any differently. I hated that I felt that having a crazy family and suffering from depression were somehow my fault - that I knew people saw me differently, liked being around me less for the very reasons I needed them more.

    I could be wrong, but when I read your writing, it takes me to the place where all those feelings stem from, and sometimes that's upsetting but mostly it's wonderful, like right now, when I read "the beauty is there, you just have to listen for it". I think that's what you and I want, Anna - to have our beauty listened to but above all, to finally hear it for ourselves.

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  4. @TamaraJane - A very good point. In fact I am not sure why people are judging other's weddings at all. Perfection is impossible.

    Maybe I'm wrong. Some hyperdetailed weddings seem a little soulless because they weren't imagined by the couple and there seems to be no connection. But that is just how it comes across to me in the photos. I have no idea how they actually felt.

    Your wedding felt amazing. You pictures were delicious but it felt so real.

    Every wedding and I agree broad generalisations do not help anyone.

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  5. Here here!
    To add another angle on this issue can I point out that maybe us women are fools to ourselves because what do we ask if we hear someone has been to a wedding?
    What did the bride look like?

    No one asks if there were tears, laughter and heartfelt vows. It's a real shame.

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  6. Anna, Anna, Anna. I agree with every word.

    The detail can be lovely. In fact I love to see it all come together. But a wedding is so much more than 'stuff' and I hate that increasingly I am meeting brides who feel compelled to apologise for the 'simplicity' of the day.

    I've had thin beautiful brides so consumed by the detail that the 'moments' you refer to have passed them by. I've had other brides - less photogenic; less perfect (although who defines this I'll never know)- who have been surrounded by moments created not by them but the people who love them. Those are the weddings that I remember the most and that make me cry.

    So hallelujah for a wedding blog full of 'moment.' Every year, my son gives my a Christmas card signed off with the words: 'peace, love and stuff that matters.' Kind of sums up the sense of what you're planning!

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So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.

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