I think a lot about inspiration.
I know I am not a creative. I desperately want to be but I am not.
I try to tantalise you with visual inspiration but I know it is not enough.
I'm going to be brutally honest - moodboards often leave me cold. Instead of seeing images which inspire I see cold pictures of things I cannot possibly recreate. Or perhaps I am not sure I want to recreate. I know there are very few original ideas but I know I do want to be that little bit different.
I am a primarily visual learner but know there is a definite kinesthetic element to my understanding so it is not surprising I can't just work things out from pretty pictures. I think I just need to feel things more. This is not a great default setting for someone with relatively high levels of anxiety but to progress I need to do.
We didn't have a very creative wedding but we had a wedding nonetheless. It was a wedding full of love and joy. As I look at my photographs (which I don't love because of what I look like) I remember the moments. The moments that mean so very much more than how I looked. It was how I felt in that moment. I felt so very beautiful and loved. I am learning to forget all those negative thoughts I have about my day and remember it for what it was. A day for Bean and me. Our day. You often don't have a chance to voice your feelings to those you love and have their undivided attention that is the inspirational part of a wedding. It is your opportunity to show your love in any way you choose.
This was the scene in my back garden on monday night. I'm sure I didn't add a filter to the phone. It was so very overwhelming. I know that sounds crazy but it was all encompassing. I cannot explain it. It wasn't just a pink sky. The air was pink. It became part of me. It was beautiful.
This inspired me.
I wish I had seen it before the my day. I would have pumped pink coloured air into our venue. I understand it's not possible but I would have tried to add a delicious pink haze to everything. Adjust the white balance if you please. It made me feel connected to a random Monday evening. It made me want to be alive. I know - such a crazy thought to feel on another dull day. Yet it was real. There was nothing manufactured about it. It was there to be enjoyed.
I don't know if you've read this post but it is something I want to scream from the rooftops - yes, yes, yes!
It is not the pretty things you make, it is not the pictures that are taken, it is not the food you eat. I guess what I am trying to say is, "Your wedding day is about the feeling." For everyone this is going to be different. For some the details simply don't matter. To some they very much do.
My new blog will be about details (I can't pretend I don't love the pretties) but for me the details include the story, the words honestly spoken and the lives forever intertwined. That should be our inspiration not a stupid flag like this. (I still think they are awesome but it was an ultimately pointless exercise.)
The snob in me cries that not every wedding is beautiful but the romantic in me screams that the beauty is there you just have to listen. In amongst the stuff I think is hideous (forgive me but some stuff is truly hideous) is the beauty. I mustn't forget that. There is such pressure for everything to be perfect that I forgot to feel and I am by no means a perfectionist. So I can't possibly imagine how those perfectionists here can step back and enjoy their day.
I know it is but one day. I try and rationalise it and say it is just another day and it isn't that important. The marriage is what is important but the more I think about it the more I realise that the wedding day is important. It is your public declaration. You have the rest of your lives to enjoy your private moments. Your wedding day is about a community and you speaking to that community.
And I for one, want to hear what you have to say.
So listen I will and hope you will want to listen and speak to.