Sunday, 11 September 2011

a terrible admission

(I thought long and hard before posting this. I hate that I was this person for even a moment.)

10 years ago I was in ikea.

10 years ago I heard a plane had hit the pentagon.

10 years ago, I laughed*. I thought it was cool to dislike America.

I assumed it was a nothing event. That no-one was hurt. The gravity of the situation was not conveyed.

I then got home and saw the day unfold. I saw the horror. I have seen some terrible things. Things which I would never talk about but this was worse. To grieve without your son, mother, daughter, father, wife or husband's body, I cannot imagine. I am so very sorry.

I have never felt so ashamed of myself. I felt sick thinking about the child I was. You were all so dignified. 

I cried for my friends I didn't hear from (luckily running late for work). I cried for people I had never met.

Today I will cry again.

America, New York. I love you.**



*It was nervous laughter but laughter nonetheless.
**I also grieve for those who have lost their lives subsequently. I don't have to agree with the response to feel pain for the lives lost. To all the servicemen and women. Thank you. 

6 comments:

  1. I was a dumb 15-year-old, and I laughed, and made some really terrible comment because I thought it was cool to be an almost anarachist or something, hating my own government. How flipping ignorant and childish I was.

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  2. Thanks for this, Anna. It still astounds me that we are an ocean apart, yet we all seem so close, eh?

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  3. Laughing, in it's most basic form is a reaction to stimuli. Whether it be nervousness, happiness or other stressful emotions it's just a thing we do. That's why we all have that one awkward cousin who laughed at grandad's funeral or the announcement of our aunt's divorce. We forget with our higher learning and higher thinking and modern empathy that this is something we just DO.

    I don't blame you or think badly of you because of this. And even if I did, it's like they say, opinions are like assholes...you know the rest.

    Me is 'AuhMerkin too...and me will never judge.

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  4. Thanks for your honestly. Initial reactions are always strange and yours was understandable given that you were young and far away and didn't see the severity of it until later in the day. xoxo.

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  5. Thank you. My heart goes out to you all.

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So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.

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