Friday, 23 September 2011

ring a ding ding?

Wedding rings.

Hmm.

I've spoken about my journey to my wedding ring in the past.

I wear my Mamgu's (my Welsh grandmother) wedding ring as my own. I adore that I see a connection to my past every day. If anything I cherish that more than the actual significance of it being a wedding band. I most certainly do not need a ring to tell me I am married.


There is oft talk about men who choose not to wear a wedding ring. Indeed there were certain mumbles when Prince William chose not to wear a ring. I never expected Bean to wear a ring. If anything it would have saved us some money if he had chosen not to. I thought it would be nice but as my father has never worn a wedding ring I never assumed Bean would. Yet Bean was the opposite, his father chose to wear a wedding band, as his father did before him. Bean comes from a farming family, men who worked with their hands. The perfect/usual excuse for not wearing a wedding ring.

However, a certain single friend finds it relatively strange that our friend's husband does not wear a ring. She uses the line that she likes to know a man is attached when she speaks to him at the bar. Whilst I agree that married men should not appear available I am sure that Bean has chatted to girls at bars. I know he's chatted to girls before he was married and it is possible for a man to explain he is attached. Is a wedding ring a magical chastity belt? Of course it isn't. People don't automatically not cheat if they are married. 

The more I look into a man wearing a wedding ring the more it appears to be only a cynical marketing ploy. The more people who wear wedding rings the more money we can earn. 100% increase in turnover. Boom! I'm not saying that men don't want to wear rings or that men that do not want to to wear them are bad cheaters. We are all different. I do rather love seeing Bean idly toy with his wedding ring but would I think he cared about me less if he did not wear one? Of course not, marriage cannot be summed up by a "bestowal of earnest money." So should you be worried if your intended refuses to wear a ring? I guess it depends in the person you are about to marry. Trust is not found in a band of gold. If you do not trust them now. You will never trust them.

Yet how about those woman who do not wish to wear a wedding ring?  Is this a feminist issue? My grandmamma always refused to change her name (when married) to the feminine Polish ending and has most of her mail sent to Mr BigLongPolishName. So I very much want to be a feminist because of the very strong female influences in my life. However I find the subject of feminism difficult because of the man hatred. (Another post for another time!)

I love to wear my wedding ring but as I've said before I like it more for the family history than proving I have a relationship with my husband. However should I have always assumed I was going to wear a wedding ring? Should woman who choose not to, be cast out as lepers? Is it a sign that I wish to bear? Is it anyone else's business that I am a married woman? I am perfectly capable of talking to men and woman without jumping their bones. 

I love my rings but there one more than one occasion I have felt embarassed by such an obvious display of my marital status. It appears boastful, that I am happy and you without your ring cannot possibly be as happy. Obviously this is a ridiculous conclusion.

What does a wedding ring mean to you? Do you need one? Do you need your intended to wear one?

7 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more with everything you say, as you know from my post yesterday. I will wear one although in a way I am hesitant about it for feminist reasons, I think my inclination to wear something sparkly will win (bad feminist). Mr T will only wear his when he's off work but if he ever forgets to put it on that's fine, I won't be worried, I trust him implicitly.

    Also, I know what you mean, I sometimes think that about wearing my engagement ring, it's not even a 15 carat rock, but sometimes it feels a little showy despite my other hand usually sporting a giant cocktail ring.

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  2. I never have been a 'ring wearer', but ive got used to my wedding and engagement rings so much that I do feel a bit weird if i don't have them (to the point that this morning i realised half way down the road to work that I wasn't wearing them and had to go back, making myself late for work in the process!).

    I don't think anyone should bow down to custom or tradition if they don't want to, but I can't say I every considered not having a wedding ring- While obviously nobody needs an 'public facing symbol of marriage' to validate a relationship or anything like that, I quite like the fact that I'm part of a married couple and am more than happy to show off about it via the power of sparkly jewllery!

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  4. I must admit I love wearing my engagement and wedding rings, I feel lost when I don't have them on. Whenever I look at my rings they remind me of two amazing days, the day I got engaged in New York in the most romantic way and the day I got married to the man I love. Remembering those days reminds me whenever I have a down day that I have a great man who stands by me- I don't see it as a 'ring on my finger to show my marital status'- if it did I guess I would never have got married. Marriage to me is symbolic and religious (I'm not overtly religious) as rings are a circle, a symbol of eternity, love and friendship. Hence why I wear my ring as a symbol of the love I give to my husband. Although my hubs was against wearing a ring (he works with his hands & has sawn a colleague cut his ring off due to an accident) because it would get ruined at work. I was upset that he didn't share my view on what a ring means to me. However, he did change his mind and we bought him a ring that was not expensive but strong- so if it did get scratched ect it would not cost the earth to replace it. I love him wearing the ring because again he chose to wear it for me. My hubs works around women all day so I am not worried if he forgot his ring for a day, but I would be upset because of the symbolic sentiment. I guess I'm a romantic at heart and a ring is more than just a piece of Jewellery.

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  5. I love wearing my engagement ring and wedding ring and love what they symbolise to me...and how pretty they are. They have become part of me and I do feel weird if I don't have them on.

    And I love the way my husband fiddles with his ring and how he says he loves wearing it. To me our rings bring our wedding flying back and the vows we made on that day and I love looking down at my hand and seeing that constant reminder.

    It works for us: but in no way do you need a ring to have a successful marriage, I just love mine!

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  6. Ahh! I am so glad you wrote about this, Anna. For I agree with you. J will not wear a wedding ring 'because it gives me lady hands' - Which although at first I thought sounded ridiculous, actually proved true on the trying on of a ring. And secondly, I often find myself feeling embarrassed by my engagement ring. I don't wear my wedding ring yet (obv) but I imagine that feeling is here to stay. I sometimes feel as though I am preaching marriage to my non-married friends. I know it is silly but it doesn't make the feeling go away. I'm glad someone else feels the same!

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  7. Personally, I tend to think the only things that can make someone a bad feminist involve suppressing one's own goals and opinions for men (individuals or in general). Wearing a ring for any reason that in involves one's own rationale - even "ooh, sparkly!" - hardly fits in that category.

    On the topic of men wearing wedding rings, my husband wears his in part because he's excited to tell the world he's married, and he's excited to be married to me. I don't think that's the only acceptable approach, by any means (I'm sure there are lots of husbands who don't wear a ring and are lovely husbands), but it's the only one that would work for me. I, for me, am glad my husband is in the "that's right, world, I have the best wife ever" camp.

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So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.

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