Tuesday, 12 July 2011

well so, yes. Self indulgent - again.

Again I have been away on a little sabbatical. Sadly nowhere further than my house.

I can't really explain. Save to say my home situation is far from ideal.

I was going to say no newly married couple want to live at home with their parents. However even in my tiny group of friends this is a hideous sweeping generalisation. Said lucky lady lives in greenest Kent with her new husband and not one but two generations of her family. For her it works spendiferously. She and her husband work in central London and have a wonderful life together. Yes I am completely jealous. Indeed whilst the are city high fliers right now they also have the potential for a complete lifestyle change courtesy of their family's business. Double jealous.

Yet for Bean and me it is certainly not our perfect plan. Don't get me wrong I love my family, but I love them more when I see them less often. Right now I am finding it very difficult to live with their judgements of me being the useless one.

However there is a glimmer of hope.

In the months since I wrote this post about my dark side I have slowly realised that in very many ways I still want to be a doctor. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish I could cast off the my last 10 years and find another life or career that would thrill me. However, I am a medical geek to the core. So I have been trying to think of ways in which I could possibly return. Yet all the avenues seem to be blind ended.

That was until a couple of weeks ago where I was told of a team of doctors who deal exclusively with doctors with mental health problems.* Indeed, I am somewhat disgruntled that I was not informed about this before. However, since my first meeting with them I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I cannot explain how almost happy I feel. I now have my own advocate who is extremely angry at how I have been treated (or in reality not treated). 

There is a long road ahead of me but now I feel there is actually a path upon which I can travel. I may actually become a fully formed member of society with something to offer. This excites me no end. So in view of me fulfilling my destiny I feel it is only right to have aspirations. 

So here is my to do list.

1. I really want to get back into blogging - you know the twice a day style that I used to do and love. I think you liked it too? Although things may change around here when/if point 3 works?!
2. I really want to get back into replying to emails - you know, in a proper timely fashion.
3. I really want to get back into starting a new blog - you know, super awesomeness (I may need your help to make it awesome)**
4. I really want to get back into getting better - you know, the happy shit.
5. I really want to get back into a real married life - time to find an interim job and move into a teeny tiny flat of our own.

Smiles all round.
This photograph does make me giggle. Go trout pout. Although my hair looks wonderful!

So the pretties are coming, the pretties are coming. (And maybe at last I will talk about...the wedding.)

*Whilst some (my old colleagues) appear to have a moral and ethical objection to the apparent rationing of care in this way, I dare say they have not suffered from any mental ill health themselves.

**In that vein would you be interested in becoming a blog sponsor on my new very wedding related website?


  1. I'm so pleased things are turning around for you. I think the fact you've been so open about your difficulties is wonderful and inspiring and I can't wait to see what's coming. x

  2. Oh darling, I am so happy to hear you have an advocate on your side. I know it's been tough for you to figure out what path is right, and I know eventually you'll be a major success. But I also know how it is to be impatient and just wanting life to get on with itself already. You have my full support.

  3. If I ever earn money from this writing gig I'd love to be a sponsor on the new blog. In the interim, I'd happily do any guest spots you have going?!

    You know what an advocate I am of lists, so your 5 goals fill me with joy. And I gotta tell you, they're all completely achievable. I totally believe in you and everything that I know you're going to accomplish. xx

  4. Good on you for fighting the good fight, and deciding what you want to do. On top of all that very glad that you have somebody on your side supporting you.

    Agree with what the lovely Cloggins said, a little a bit of belief will get you where you want to go, and I believe in you too! x

  5. Hugs! Medicine is a big old world, I hope you find the right niche.

    Also, with a pilot, a Dr (of biochemistry) and an optical engineer about to emark upon his PhD in the family and I'm the one without a career... I know how you feel! And it sucks, and it's very upsetting if I dwell on it. So I don't (generally) and just get on with my own path. Also? If I lived with my parents full time I'd go NUTS. Or they would.


    ps I may have something to advertise with you, just need to get it together...

  6. Smiles all around, indeed. I'm so happy you've finally found the support you need, which let you rediscover your dreams and push aside the influence of mental illness.

    And as for the blogging and friendships, we are still here, so happy you're working your way back, and thrilled to support your new plans.

  7. Yay! We have missed you a lot x

  8. hugs! glad you found the support you need.

    xx, chrissy from the perfect palette.


So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.


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