This is hard to write.
I imagine you may have seen some of the photographs of our wedding.
You have all been incredibly nice.
I was expecting you to be nice, well because I know you are nice.
So truth time.
The thing is if I had seen my pictures of my wedding I would have honestly thought.
"Gosh, she looks terrible, why didn't she put in more effort before her wedding day."
I also said this to Bean,
"Yes, Anna that's because you are a bitch" (true story)
I am still not sure about my photographs. I am a little sad I do not look prettier. I am sad that the snow and general kerfuffles meant that I could not organise things the way I wanted. And sadly, I am sad because I did not look the radiant and beautiful bride that usually graces the pages of magazines and blogs. (The very idea makes me sad because I thought I was above such thoughts and it is the love that is meant to shine out from wedding photographs and not traditional "beauty.") It is very confusing to me.
Also, I have very mixed feelings about the wedding. I think one of the reasons I have decided to share my wedding was because it felt like such a disaster. I was (and still am) so disappointed by our venue. Yet the fact our venue let us down (so very much) showed me how much the people around me are so incredibly wonderful. If there were ever a peace time equivalent of the Blitz, it were our wedding. It would have been an unmitigated disaster without the brain and brawn of our family and friends.
I can't do traditional recaps. It's just not my style. I will probably pick moments and talk about them. Because I do want to talk about the wedding. Yet until now I was still angry and sad. I am so happy to be married but sad our day was marred by such bad feeling and problems.
I had no expectations that the day would be perfect indeed I had often spoken how perfection is rather dull.
Yet where to start? Is it prudent to begin at the beginning? Yes I believe the scene needs to be set.
The scene that was snow....
until tomorrow my lovelies.
I do hope you will enjoy my vague ramblings over the next few weeks.