Tuesday, 9 November 2010

papa will preach...

So thanks to the ever so wise other Bean* I spoke to my grumpy but lovable Father over the weekend whilst the London Bean was away with his man fairies (or on his Stag as it is more commonly known - I love his boys!).

Anyhoo, Father and I spent a couple of days together and avoided talking about anything vaguely wedding related. Finally whilst the Mother was dreaming of drilling** on the sofa I asked my father the fateful question. Here follows the abridged version.

"So, would you like to walk me down the aisle?" I asked cautiously.
"If you want me to I will," he answered in his usual flippant manner"
"Hmm, that's not really what I asked is it?" as I try, but fail, to sound nonchalant.
"Well, I am your father and I guess I should carry out fatherly duties?" exasperated.
"Yes but would you like to do this, would be proud to have me on your arm?" I exasperatedly reply.
"Oh I see, well I guess I would so of course I would be proud, happy and whatever you want me to say."
"Yeah, that's still not the greatest answer but I guess what else can I ask?"

By now the mother's ears had pricked up and felt she should also be part of this duologue.
"You know what she means, she does not want to be embarrassed by you," my mother interjected with her usual interrogatory and inflammatory manner.

"Well I guess I see," Father admits. (One can always rely upon Mother!)
"I just want you to want to do it." I explain.
"Of course I do, you are my only daughter." He cries.
"So how about, maybe, a speech?" I tentatively ask.
"Well I'm on page 65 of my notes so far so I think we're on for 3 hours," he continues characteristically.
"Ha, bloody, ha, please be nice?"
"I will, I promise."

Hugs in my mind all around. Not actual hugs of course. We are still the Uptight Family.

So well, he is hopefully escorting down our "aisle" and there appears to be a speech.

Can I let you know if it goes to plan? I shan't be crossing any fingers. 

Also as I promised, the only picture of my Grandmamma and Grandpa's wedding.

I love that my Grandpa looks like a gangster!
I love that my Grandmamma looks just as sweet!

This is the reason we have photographs taken. Not for our own eyes but for generations to come. Not that I am saying people will care about my wedding (but if we do happen to have grandchildren I hope they will be as excited as I am to see such beautiful and touching moments.)

Ooo, I may also have some other lovely photos to show you over the next few weeks! Eeek!

*Darling London Bean - I do not mean you are not wise but in this case I think we were both too close to the whole Daddy situation.
**Our family euphemism for snoring.


  1. I'm really proud of you for having that really difficult conversation. I know it wasn't easy, but it's good to start the dialogue. Hopefully he'll be more conscious of your feelings at the wedding and behave appropriately.

    I also love pictures of my grandparents on their wedding days. When I was down in Florida for my grandfather's funeral this weekend, I asked my grandma for the picture of them cutting their wedding cake. I am really going to cherish it.

  2. congratulations on your bravery. These conversations can be do hard, but you faced it. And I'm thrilled that your mother could help, that your father is genuinely excited (if gruff) and that you shared your grandparents' wedding photos. That's exactly why photos are important in the long term: family history. I love pouring through old photo books.

  3. You must be so happy your so brave I have the same relationship with my parents and no how difficult it can be to bring stuff like this up.

    I'm glad he wanted to do it not just for you but for him I bet he would have regreted it other wise.


  4. Your Grandmama's shoes are AWESOME, I covet them. And how handsome does your Grandad look? I love these photos, someone should start a wedding version of "my parents were awesome" blog.

    Anyway, well done for tackling your dad. It sounds to me like his bark is far worse than his bite, and that reading between the lines he loves you very much and is super-excited to be doing his daddy duties on the day. Huzzah!

    Not long now!

  5. parents are a tricky bunch. but it must feel nice that the asking part is over right? also, your grandma is a doll, love the picture

  6. Wow, that conversation was difficult to read so I can only imagine it was difficult to have. I'm glad you did have it though, it was brave and I'm sure you are relieved to have it over with, and I'm even more glad it seems like your dad is on board about the situation. I will cross my fingers for you that all goes well, especially the speech. At least you know that you did all you could and will have no regrets looking back.
    And your grandparents are gorgeous, I just love that photo!!!

  7. Oh, families. I always have a different picture of how it will go. And then it is what it is and I just try to do the best I can for me, which is what you did, and that's amazing.

    Love the grandparent photo! And please do keep us posted.

  8. Oh, it sounds as though our fathers are very similar in some respects. I have had a difficult time getting along with my dad for many, many years. He means well, but he drives me batty. He says things that are just strange, or preachy, or hurtful, and then he gets upset and acts put out when I am upset at him.

    You are a better person than I for giving him the option to be in your wedding. I invited mine to the wedding, and he'll have to live with that. Luckily for me, he gave me away once, so I'm hoping that will suffice.

    Also, Bean very much loved the note that you sent her. More on that tomorrow.

  9. Lovely picture! I always looking at pictures of my family when they were young!

  10. Aww glad you had the conversation with your Dad. I think men of a certain generation struggle to show their emotions, I imagine he is pleased as punch to be asked - deep down. I mean hey, he made a joke about the speech he has obviously been thinking about it already.

  11. you did it!

    and i'm sure parts of it were painful, but you did it. i really love it. your family may be uptight, but you certainly are there for each other.

    i hope papa behaves :) i'm sure mother will keep him in line.

  12. so happy to hear you faced this situation and that your father will be there for you. i hope you're getting excited for the big day!

  13. I think (and maybe I'm too late with this advice) the best thing is to be assertive about what YOU want. I.E. "Dad, I really want you to walk me down the aisle." Saying, "Dad, would you like to...?" and "I just want you to want to..." is passive aggressive. Of course he wants to, deep down. But you can't TELL HIM to want to.

  14. what a gorgeous photo. i have 1 photo from my grandparents wedding as well and treasure it!! my grams made her own dress and was so beautiful ;)


So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.


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