Thursday, 21 October 2010

papa do preach?

So I have discussed my father a couple of times before.

As the wedding draws closer (almost less than a month now - could this be the cause of my constant heartburn?) I find myself becoming increasingly enthralled by tradition or is this just me turning into a reluctant conformist? That is a whole other story.

So this is my father. Sitting with my great Uncle Hugo.* Yes, he looks like a cheeky boy. He still is rather cheeky but with the aforementioned grumpiness.

What is my quandary? Up until this point I am yet to really talk about the wedding with him. I love my father, he's generally a good guy albeit a little irritating on occasion. My family, and I include myself in this, rarely discuss emotions and weddings apparently involve emotions. He does think spending money on a wedding is a complete waste of time. So there be a little friction.

Problems are twofold.

1. Should he walk me down the aisle? Do I need someone to walk me down the aisle? For stability in outrageous heels perhaps? If he cares not for the way in I am to be married should he have the honour?
2. Should he be allowed to orate? I worry for drunkenness (well certainly he shall be boozed up by the time for speeches.) Also I really would rather he thought about a speech rather than just making it up on the spot. I have listened to many a beautiful speech from jubilant fathers and do fear for rather mean grumpy slurred words. On the other hand, it is likely to be funny, albeit at my expense.

I know I should probably have made up my own mind but I really know not what to do. Please do tell me what you think I should do. I simply do not know. I think I know what I should do....but....

P.S. I may also be asking the tiny wedding planner.

*I love my pseudonyms!


  1. Yes! Yes! Please ask my TWP. May I show her this post and have her answer it next week? She will love, love, love this.

    (Notice how I am not answering your question? Sneaky, right?!)

  2. Please very please! Then Bean and I must meet!

  3. These are tricky questions! On the one hand, you want to honor your dad and make him feel like a part of the day, but on the other, you don't want to be the subject of a slightly drunken toast with humor at your expense, or be walked down the aisle by someone who hasn't been super-supportive of your wedding.

    One question. Will others be giving speeches/toasts at the reception? If so, will your dad be hurt that he didn't make the list (or, worse, try to say something anyway)?

    Otherwise, all I can say is listen to your gut ... and also to TWP!

  4. I love this post as I am also in the midst of planning my own wedding ;0) I do not like my father very much and do not hold in high regard. I questioned whether to have him walk me down the aisle and he said during a conversation recently that he is giving me away. Does that mean he is assuming he is walking me down the aisle then? I hope not because I am not final on that part of the ceremony yet. I love your blog by the way. Would you be open to being a guest wedding blogger on my site I hope you say YES ;0)

  5. Oh gosh, that's a toughie. I'm sorry your old man is so volatile. But he loves you I'm sure, and it's quite possible he has no idea how much his thoughtless jokes and half baked opinions have hurt you. Sit down and get royally pissed with him and have a proper heart to heart, that's my advice.

    Best of luck gorgeous!

  6. This is exactly how I feel about my dad :)

    "he's generally a good guy albeit a little irritating on occasion."

    And I didn't have him walk me down the aisle. J's dad passed away 5 years earlier, so I didn't think that would be fair for me to get escorted down and rub it in her face that her dad wasn't around. And also I didn't feel like I was his to give away.

    Let us know what you decide! xoxo

  7. Both my parents walked down the aisle with me. But I wasn't given away. My parents supported the marriage, as did Wade's parents, and that's how we left it.

    If you're nervous aboutwalking by yourself ... why don't you and Bean walk down together? Very "modern" :)

  8. i think it may be important to ask the Tiny Wedding Planner.

    i think you need to do what you feel most comfortable with. not sure about your father speaking, that's not something i can comment on. (my father did a drunk speech at our rehearsal and it was lovely.) but if you want to walk the aisle alone or with bean, i say go for it.

  9. Well, you said you think you knew what you should do, it sounds like you've made up your mind on what your heart wants and now your mind is just second guessing it. Go with your instincts. If you think you'll regret him not walking you down the aisle or not giving a speech then you shouldn't do it. Maybe both of your parents can do both of these things together, would your mom be able to calm your nerves if she were by his side for both the walking down the aisle and speech?

  10. I'm wrestling about #1 currently myself. I'm sorry I can't answer your questions, but I can definitely sympathize with this conundrum!

  11. Hi Anna
    My Dad was unable to walk me down the aisle so waited, with my Mum and Groom at the bottom of the aisle. I can honestly say for all my reservations and thinking I would be lonely walking on my own, I'm so glad I did. Just before I walked, I was with my best girls, giddy with excitement and then with the vicar for a quick thanksgiving prayer and then on to greeting, eager guests with smiles. I didn't feel lonely for a second (or unstable in my shoes). As for speaking, my Dad didn't speak either, Groom said a few words on his behalf and we added to the speeches with extended words from our chosen MC. Whatever your decision it will be the right one for you. x

  12. I've seen brides have their mother and father walk them down the aisle. And as for the speech, that's a suggestion you need to make to him, but there's probably no guarantee he'll take your advice.

  13. hmm. I am going to try to help but my situation with my dad is different than yours. we are very close so i definitely wanted him to wlak me down the aisle. also he didn't drink or give a speech. i say yes to the walk, maybe no to the speech? best of luck!

  14. I love my Dad to bits but didn't want him to walk me down the aisle because he can push buttons in me like nobody else and I didn't want to risk anything or anyone upsetting me on my wedding day. Also, like 'The Alternative Wife' I didn't feel that I was his to give away. Solution... my man and I walked in together. It felt great and with hindsight was the right decision for us, but I have to confess that I did feel a teeny bit guilty when I saw him giving my sister away at her wedding a few months later.

    Do what feels right for you.


So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.


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