Tuesday, 26 October 2010

i had no idea...

....I had such a flair for melodrama. (Although Bean may disagree!)

One of my favourite photographs. My cousin, myself and my little brother waiting for the DLR.
Although my brother does seem to be winning in the drama stakes! 
Bless his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bumbag!

So sorry for my tears. Last night was the worst night I have had in months. I felt so very sick. Nothing seems to be going right.

Our comedy of errors so far-

~ Our darling photographers had to cancel, although we have solved this with a just as fabulous photographer

~ Our venue somewhat burnt down

~ We lost our DJ and some other live entertainment

~ My dress may be rubbish (also included in that is my lack of beautifulness)

and more but I just can't bring myself to think about it.

It just seems anything I don't have actual control of has gone wrong! (Well save the hideousness)

To tell the truth I have been feeling really quite unwell over the past few weeks and have been asked to stand down from my job for a few months.

Depression really is a bitch. Just when you think you are doing well and almost "there" it comes back with a vengeance. In most ways it is nothing to do with the wedding but I dare say wedding stress has not helped. However my blackness runs far deeper. Yet these things take time. The first step for me is to try and be positive. So let me be positive for but a moment.

~ I am marrying a delicious Bean and it will happen by the end of this year

~ We have two adorable kittens living with us

~ I will get better and back to work

~ I had a great hair and make-up trial on friday (I now need to start looking at myself and not get physically repulsed)

~ I had a great time this weekend with my hens

~ We don't need a DJ, our cheese will suffice

I now have remembered that a wedding is not the end of my life yet simply another beginning. 

If the wedding all goes to shit, well fuck it. It's not the bloody end of the world. 

The wedding will not be blog worthy and well maybe that is just fine. 

So sorry for my tears last night. I think I just needed to get them out of my system.
Thank you. One and all. I really do mean it.

16 comments:

  1. I'm glad you're feeling a bit more positive despite all the crappiness Anna love. Your wedding will be beautiful because (cheesy as it sounds), you're marrying the man you love in front of people you love who love you. And that's pretty damn perfect really. xx

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  2. YAY!
    I think sometimes it really just needs to get out.
    I am never proud of this moments in my life...
    I think the positive list you made is much stronger!!!
    And I don't think the wedding will be crap.
    xx

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  3. Hugs again Anna. I know what you mean about depression and wedding stress. Wedding stress does not cause depression, but it does exacerbate it. As someone living with mild depression, I can commiserate.

    You've had such a rough go with this wedding, but I'm so happy you are able to look on the positive side. Sometimes it's really hard to. I know. But those little glimmers of hope show that your depression hasn't taken a total hold of you. This is good.

    Please, tell me what I can do to help. Sending wedding dance playlists? Giving dress advice? I can do those, or send more pretties. Let me know! I'm here (although far) for you!

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  4. First, hugs to you.

    Second, your wedding will be "blog worthy," but you won't put the photos up anyway, so you haven't actually lost anything! :D

    My little Bean sends her love and is very excited to answer your question tonight.

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  5. Your wedding doesn't have to be blog worthy. Just filled with love.

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  6. a million hugs!

    regardless of what it looks like, when you wake up the next morning you will have your Bean to call husband. that's the most important.

    and your wedding will be blog worthy. srsly.

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  7. anna, big hugs to you! yay~~~ your wedding will be great because it is YOUR wedding (with bean). on your wedding day, you will be overwhelmed with happiness because you're marrying him. your dress or dj or flower won't matter. that's what happened to me.

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  8. Tis true and it will be a grand beginning!

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  9. You know what? On the day, all this will melt away - it will just be you and Bean and people who love you and are coming prepared to be delighted by the whole day. Now breathe...

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  10. Just wanted to send you some e-hugs...Soon, you will be surrounded by the love and support of your family and friends, and as you said, you will be married to your dearest Bean. You can do this!

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  11. so glad you're back! we are always here for you! woo! power through the end of this planning part and marry your man!

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  12. oh no, anna! i stay away from blogworld for a little over a week and i miss so much. sending you happy thoughts and good vibes through all this. life is stressful enough and a wedding just turns it upside down. the most important thing is that you love bean and you're committing to spending the rest of your life with him. everything will fall into place.

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  13. Oh Anna! (((((((Anna)))))))

    All my love. That, and a great deal of strength to help you the next few weeks (and then beyond, with work) in the most kick-ass way possible.

    You rock. So will your wedding.

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  14. Oh Im sorry to hear about all this stuff going on!
    it sounds very stressful and I think you are doing a great job of focusing on the positives.

    Your wedding will be more wonderful than you can imagine. I promise.

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  15. That's the spirit, Anna - just look at the positives and not worry about the negatives. Your wedding will be amazing-ness. It will be everything you dreamt it will be and then some more!!

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  16. The wedding is just about you and your Bean, let the rest go to shit! We are all guilty of make-believing the wedding should outdo our grandest dreams, but it's not a requirement--don't be so down!

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So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.

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