Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Wedding List qWandary

Time for a little bit of blood from the stone. Anna, as you might see from her last post, is a trifle busy these days so it's probably time for me to start pulling my weight.

Things are starting to get a bit serious. Time was we could post whatever frivolous things we desired and head it "Wedding List Wednesday". Now we actually have to consider what we might actually, realistically get.

We looked at all the mundane, practical things that we need (a new kettle and iron, we've got our for special crockery but for some odd reason when we got our stuff for every day we decided upon varying shades of brown, so that's being replaced) and tried to match this with what various shops and gift lists we could come up with.

This didn't really turn out as we hoped. John Lewis was, to be frank, a little bit boring. If we were starting from scratch it would be great, but we've already got most of the stuff we need. The Vintage Wedding List was, if anything, too interesting with too few things that would be practical and so, a little bit difficult to justify for the price you pay. Heals, while great for housewares only has a limited range of electicals and Habitat has none at all.

The other issue is that wedding is in November and it seems a bit silly to make a list of things for people to buy for you when you know fine well you'll be able to get the stuff for half the price only a month later.

We may have come up with a solution though. There is a certain department store, who we shall not name at this stage, who offer a service where your guests make a contribution to a special account for you to spend in the store. Now this pretty much solves our problems, but we're a little bit uncertain. I mean, is it rude? We are just basically asking for money.

If someone buys you something off a list, they've something that they specifically have bought for you, and they can be offended if you don't use it when they come round. We've thought about arbitrarily selecting items that we buy and assigning them to people so we can send them a thank you note with a little picture of us brandishing our purchase.

Regardless, we've pretty much decided on this, but are we being crass and vulgar? Your thoughts please.


  1. I think that sounds like a good solution! Though don't be surprised if some guests have something in mind for you and buy a physical present.

  2. You know it is customary I think in almost all asian cultures to give money to the bride and groom and I fail to see why this is bad manners. Seems most practical to me.

    I think you should also put together a wishlist with "actual" items because some people are old school like that

  3. Why not? Then again Asians mostly give cash for weddings. We had a wedding list too and got things we really enjoyed (luggage, makeup, etc.). I'd just give you cash or contribute if I were your guest. Do you think your friends/family would be keen to do it?

  4. I think it sounds like a fabulous idea. Why not? I would gladly give to it. Most people gave cash at my wedding. And I always give cash when I go to weddings.

    Hope you're having a lovely week! xoxo

  5. I don't think it's rude or vulgar at all.

    We did a honeymoon registry for our wedding and got no complaints (and lots of $$ to help with the honeymoon!)

  6. I guess it just depends on who's in your guest list. Some folks would balk, others wouldn't bat an eye. You have to judge how "proper" and "etiquettey" your group is. If they are more uptight, the traditional approach might be best. If you think they don't care so much about the way things are supposed to be, then go for your account approach.

    And it was so good to hear from you Bean. Looking forward to more from you.

  7. Should be fine, we went through several permutations with our lists, people wont feel so much like they are givin you money, as its more like buying vouchers for that shop, and it can't just get spent on our next utility bill or food shop, but lke Catherine says, some people will want to uy you something physical.Your solution of sending them photos of what they have bought may work, but dont be surprised if you get given a couple of wedgewood vases too! (although, didnt they go bust? meh, you know what I mean) Is there any way with this nameless dept store, that you can add a few token gifts to the list, and explain it to your guests?
    there are also websites that allow you to build a list from any shop via the interwebs (even amazon does it now) which I really wanted to go with, as the world is your oyster. if you can buy it online, you can have it on yor list, but the one I trusted the most (this was before amazon) just directed you through to the appropriate website, and each guest would have paid postage on their gifts, and you'd have another parcel turning up every day!

  8. I think its absolutely fine, people don't have to use it if they think its in "poor taste."

    We weren't even having a gift list until friends started asking for one so now we've come up with a small one if people get stuck for ideas. We're probably going to use this site which will just pull together the different things we want from everywhere on the internet.

  9. I'm having a similar dilemma. We don't want homewares and stuff, but people keep suggesting we do the 'donate to our honeymoon' thing. But again - we're basically asking for money. Do people find that offensive?

    A distant contact is getting married soon and has asked for money for their honeymoon, which they make no secret of wishing to spend in the casinos of Vegas. I know that people have refused to give them money for this...

  10. Anna - I don't like giving cold hard cash but donating to something like this I wouldn't mind at all. I think I know which shop it is, in which case I'd be more than happy as a guest as I love love love this shop and know all the awesome things they sell there. (In reality I'm probably completely off the mark with the shop)

    And Claire if it's really getting to donate to a honeymoon then yes absolutely no problem but don't use something like Virgin where you have to pay £7 per each set of vouchers bought!!!

  11. I love the idea of photos of what you get. My uncle did that - he and his wife were in their late 30s so no need for set-up-home stuff. So they asked for money towards a fabulous sofa and sent everyone thank you letters of them both sitting on it once they had found the perfect one.
    We did JL but put far too few things on (oops). In the end so many people got us vouchers and no one seemed to mind at all.

  12. I think how you ask might be important.

    Also, is the The Wedding Shop wedding list? Cause they do allow you to put together a guide list for people to look at and contribute to in terms of actual items, but nothing is final until you place your actual order, meaning that you can use the money towards pretty much anything else on their list, or in store (Selfridge's), or indeed, almost anything else, cause they will source items for you that aren't on their current list of suppliers.

  13. I think this route is getting quite popular so don't think it's vulgar or crass at all. The last few weddings that we've been to (they were Western weddings) asked for money contributions to their registry. A couple were honeymoon registries and one had a photography registry, which I thought was quite different.

    I didn't really think much about our registry until we had to get our invites out. I just assumed that we were gonna go with cash contribution route but then realised we had to approach it differently with R's side of the invites as they don't really understand our culture and traditions et al. We spent a lot of time trying to find the least 'vulgar' way of asking for it and came up with a home deposit fund as we're still renting and are saving up for a house. Hope that helps!! :)


So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.


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