Apparently mine is.
Please don't think less of me but I happened to come across this article in the daily mail. For those who know not of this "fine" publication it is written by less than open minded commentators for less that open minded readers.
According to Dr Pam Spurr those who "do not get him up the aisle after three years could well be doomed" (I paraphrase). Let's put aside the problem I have with "get him up the aisle" for the moment.
Three years? In fact 18 months would be better. Apparently. Bean and I are marrying on our 10th anniversary. Whilst you may think me naive, I honestly think I will be with him until the end of my days. There is nothing more exhilarating for me knowing I am part of his life, hopefully forever. Of course I am not against those who do marry within in the "golden window of opportunity" but rushing into marriage seems rather more foolhardy to me.
I understand this article may have been written for the more mature audience but looking at friends of my age and educational background have had other things to do than get married. Indeed whilst others may have felt ready I was definitely not ready to be a wife even 5 years ago and I know this to be the case for most of my friends. This article fails to appreciate the difference in the generational divide. Woman are going to university and are delaying other ambitions (may that be marriage or travelling the world) to build a career. Weddings are important but only as a means to an end. I will have lived with Bean for longer than 3 years when we wed and enjoyed this time as free to pursue my desires. (It shall be no different when we marry but it was far easier to travel across the world to the middle of nowhere!)
My aunt recently married her man friend of 25 years. Why does their commitment over the past quarter of a century mean nothing? Is marriage the be all and end all? Does co-habiting allow for dishonesty or infidelity? Whilst I want to think marriage is best, I would not think those in a long committed relationship are any different from me and my boy. Indeed, when divorce is relatively easy is there a difference?
She then delved into specific points which I would like to address individually.
1. You are his Mrs Right Now, not his Mrs Right
I see not how this is any different from the way woman view relationships. Yes you can attempt to plan the future but ultimately you know not what is around the corner. As a young woman Bean was my Mr Right Now who became my Mr Right. For me I fell in love with him as a friend (with benefits) and then became ridiculously giddy with real passionate love. Love takes time.
2. The Insecurity Issue
The writer explains that men are fearful of commitment due to their emotional and physical baggage. Well we all have such problems and of course marriage is not going to solve said issues but having someone to share in your troubles does help.
3. Satisfaction guaranteed?
I have no idea what she is babbling on about here? Yes we want things to be perfect (well actually some of us don't) but how can you ensure that marriage will be the right decision? You can't. It's impossible. You can think it is the right decision but you will never know until you try. People want children in and out of matrimony. Marriage changes nothing. I do not see of what there is to be frightened.
4. They're past IT
Whatever it is? I was under the impression that men matured into deliciousness as they age? I don't think you're ever too old to fall in love. In fact I agree love does not equal marriage but it can be about compromise.
5. Wanting to stay a big Kid
Well what can I say. Boys will be boys but seriously. Why does marriage stop you from being childlike? Yes you may accrue more responsibility but why loose you youthful exuberance (well I never had that but I imagine some of you might!).
I just don't think these issues affect just men. I think we all go through a similar thought process when embarking upon a long term relationship. I despise the rampant sexism and misandry which pervades our media forcing us to think that men are there to be cajoled and tamed.
Bean and I have spent a long time thinking about our wedding and marriage. I am enjoying being his girl and I am so excited about being his wife. Yet I am not dragging him up the aisle. It is a joint decision made because we fell in love and found that knew that our lives were to be forever intertwined. I knew I wanted to marry and Bean knew this although I was acutely aware that he wanted to marry and have children.
However why do we always have to be heading somewhere? Some of us are not destined for marriage and that is okay. Surely the journey of love is its own reward?
Oh crumbs, I am all over the place. I am not sure I have made my point very well. I just want to say to all of you out there who are not married or even thinking about marriage after 3 year you are not a weird subset of the community. Marriage is about two people who want to get married. Whether this never happens or takes 50 years, it matters not. What matters is that you are happy.
What do you think? Should I be worried that we were not married after three years? Are you?