Wednesday, 5 May 2010

should i love my venue?

I haven't really spoken much about anything related to our wedding.  I just think that you may not actually be interested.  Also I am slightly superstitious and worried about the potential consequences of revealing too much.  (I promise I will but not just yet!)

So without sounding too pompous or spoilt, I don't love my venue. (Oh it appears I am like a little child.)

I do love it's location (nestled away from prying eyes)
I do love it's price (exponentially cheaper than it's non-existent equivalent in London)
I do love that it has accommodation (everyone can stay in the house or very close-by)
I do love it's flexibility (this will become apparent over the next few posts)

I just don't love it.  Why is that a problem?  Well I guess it isn't and I should suck it up because the deposit is down, we are about to make the next big instalment and I love my suppliers.  I was never going to find the "perfect" venue. Mainly because it probably doesn't exist and if it did it would be completely out of our financial league.

I just cannot shake off the fact it is not quite what I wanted.  I have already alluded to the fact that I am not exactly overawed by our venue and have struggled with the idea of a non-church wedding.  (I shan't discuss the religious question further here as I have pondered over this ad nauseum.)  

So why am I so troubled? There are far more important things to worry about.  Indeed I should be obsessing over who will be our next Prime Minister and how this may affect me and my country. So why am I obsessed over such dismally unimportant details?   Oh yes, because I would love to be a perfectionist!

So what is problem? Superficial anna strikes, as the venue does not possess the most aesthetically pleasing interior.  (Bloody delicious blogs with your beautiful venues).  It's far from hideous (pretty much as far from hideous as you can get), I guess it is just not what I thought I wanted.  Gosh, I sound so spoilt and ungrateful.  Let me try and explain. The space is set up well.  The ceremony room is a beautiful wood panelled room (albeit with a bit too much red for my liking).  It just doesn't ooze the grandeur of other venues I have spied!  There are no uber high ceilings with beautiful architectural focal points.  We will pretty much be getting married in front of a fireplace (roaring and making me "glow") but it is just a fireplace.  Although what am I expecting, cherubs with lyres on the back of unicorns?  

My other problem is the Chapel (obviously deconsecrated or whatever happens to make it heathen again).  It is just a little spartan for me.  There are still remnants of it's past. Some are perfect.  There is a raised platform perfect for a band or other entertainment, there is a mini minstrel's gallery perfect for my brother's "fantastic" idea of a super punch bong (that boy gets super excited by the thought of punch) and the room is long enough for my dream of long table banqueting!  However, the wood panelling strikes again but this time only to waist height and then the attack of the super "methodist" stone wall commences.  There is nothing really wrong with this save the slight barn feeling I get from it. (Nothing wrong with barns just not my style.)  So I moan when there psychedelic carpets and then I moan when there is nothing to see. What can I say apart from I'm a complex girl!

I was so excited by the venue when I first met it.  I just think I need to see it through new eyes and appreciate how freakin' lucky I actually am!  I have plenty of ideas to remedy these "problems" but fear I lack the creative drive, ability or funds to make things pretty.  I am a true plant.*  (Although, who has carpet in the master suite bathroom or in any bathroom??! That is truly unforgivable.)

So how did you reconcile less than optimistic thoughts about venues or vendors?

*Intrigued by the plant?  Oh all shall be explained very soon!

20 comments:

  1. it really shouldnt matter but it does. i wasnt in love with our venue either. we booked it cos i was panicked about getting it sorted and it was 'ok'. then fate struck and they had renovations that over ran and they had to cancel our wedding - disaster! WELL actually not really as we then got a much better (and i might add more expensive)venue that we somehow managed to find within 3 months and it was somehow not booked and we also bullied the cancelling venue to foot the rest of the bill...
    anyway my point is..if u dont love it maybe its not meant to be...is that the wrong thing to say?
    either that or on the day you'll be so blodody happy, over the moon and excited about getting married that the venue wont matter one little bit.
    i say, what will be will be...

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  2. I understand where you are coming from and and hey - worrying about what you're worrying about it just one more thing that shouldn't have to worry about! :)

    What helps me when I get frustrated with venue and decor-related things is to try and remember (without looking at pictures) similar details from friends' weddings I've been to where I had a great time. Most of the time I can't. This keeps bringing me back to the idea that x,y,or z is not what people will take away from our day.

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  3. Anna - you should read this and look at the pics at the bottom.

    http://jezebel.com/5517893/the-new-decornographers-bloggers-with-perfect-beautiful-craftsy-lives

    Most venues look like you say - but the photos, the bits you see on the blog don't. There are so few buildings that are entirely perfect. Who looks down at carpet (or up at ceilings, for that matter) and thinks less of a wedding?

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  4. samesies. i saw mine and was like, i'll take it! then went away for a year and just kinda lost interested when i saw tons of other super awesome and cute venues. then i went back a year later and fell in love again. there are things i would change and everything but what can we do ya know?

    who cares if you aren't in love with the venue? you're in love with your man and that is the place you two are going to marry each other in. you can make anything romantic. people have weddings in crazy places.

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  5. I will hear nothing against carpet in bathrooms - keeps your toes toasty and warm in the mornings! :D (What can I say - I'm not a morning girl, and walking onto freezing floors whilst still bleary eyed makes for one Sad Suzie).

    But back to the True Matter. It's one of those things - only you can truly know whether you can live with it or not. Either it'll do, and when it comes down to it you will just Deal, and love it again once it's filled with all your favourite humans and laughter and music. Or, it will niggle away at you until you've stopped enjoying the thought of your family and friends and all you can think about is how AWFUL that [xyz] is.

    But lady, we will not judge you either way.

    Could it be worth it because of the savings of the monies that you can spend on other wonderful things? (Or save!)

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  6. I think the venue matters less than the stuff IN the venue: your decorations, your flowers, your music, and more importantly, your loved ones. You know how when you go to a party in a crappy little apartment, it can still be gorgeous and fun with enough streamers and candlelight and booze? Like that. (Not that your venue is a crappy little apartment. It's going to be gorgeous. Don't worry!)

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  7. Hi Anna,

    Mouse has completely hit the nail on the head. There is SO much pressure to find the perfect venue, the perfect dress etc etc that it is almost impossible to do so! No wonder you are finding it hard to fall in love with it. If it ticks all of the other boxes then go for it and fill it with things which you do love.

    I stuck my neck on the line because I knew deep down that our venue was the right one, but so many people doubted it that even I wasn't sure in the end. But of course it was bloody brill and all the doubters were gushing about how wonderful it was afterwards.
    Did I find the perfect dress, probably not, perfect bridesmaids dresses, nope, perfect flowers, nearly. I liked them all but the pressure of finding the perfect ones proved a little too much for me.

    Don't let yourself get freaked out by the perfect/love everything notion! Aim high but accept compromises so that you can sit back and enjoy the day, not spend it looking for imperfections!

    x

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  8. When I first saw photos of our (likely) venue (grr venue drama) I fell in love with the views and the feeling of remoteness and the high wood-beamed ceiling. But they were photos of someone else's wedding, and the photographer did an incredible job of hiding the baseball field directly adjacent to the ceremony area and glossing over the so-so room setup underneath the wood-beamed ceilings. And, despite my initial disappointment, I looked around and loved it anyhow. Perhaps because of the imperfections? It felt real. It felt like a place that fit us and who we are. It felt relaxed-yet-special. And yes, if felt affordable. Moreso than anything else we'd seen and in a more wonderful way than venues at 3x the cost. Really.

    I think it's the emotion that people bring that make a location special. It's the love and decor and - yes - a fabulous photographer who will transform the space. Our spot isn't perfect by any means, but it's right. And perhaps that's enough, since we don't have a very large budget.

    Since our venue is not yet secured, we're starting to look around again. And, I promise, I just wish our imperfect venue would get its act together and let us sign a contract already. Go back and start to look around. You may remember what everything else in your price range really looked and felt like and why you chose this spot to begin with. And, in the end, you're going to fill it with so much love and music and joy that it won't matter at all.

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  9. Dearest, I love your venue. But I can understand the second guessing when you are bombarded with beautiful pictures and options throughout London.

    Are there other viable options within budget and in the same vicinity? If so, they're worth a look if you're really unsettled. Otherwise, don't torture yourself and think of the possibilities that you CAN do!

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  10. Read some more "a practical wedding"! I'm on it now. So soothing :D

    Your venue sounds fab- fireplace! Awesome! Mine has a hideous bright blue patterned council carpet... but also gorgeous huge old windows and oak chairs. C'est la vie.

    If you're having real discomfort though, perhaps you should have a look around, evaluate your options before you start finalising? Like, I wish I ditched my degree and started again in first year. It would've been hassle but worth it, as it wasn't *really* for me. But I'd started so I finished. I don't know if that's really relevant but there you go.

    Maybe you should drive up there and take another look round, visualise it in the autumn with fires and flowers and friends and family?

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  11. I don't think you have to love the venue, but you do need to be sure that you will love how it looks on the day. I do love my venue, but I've also compromised on certain things(uber jealous that your guests can stay in the house!). I'm sure it will be fabulous once you have put your own lovely stamp on it.

    Would it help to take someone who hasn't yet seen it for a visit? Especially someone creative.

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  12. I feel you on this because I've gone through it on basically every major aesthetic wedding decision. I think Mouse makes great points above. You will make your venue yours and it will be lovely.

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  13. I think it sounds lovely.

    No venue is ever going to be exactly what we want it to be, and if it was in the beginning we'd change our minds and want more.

    If it has been a while since you've seen it, maybe you should go there and imagine getting married there. I'm sure you'll get excited about it again.

    I love our venue. The only thing I don't love is the black chairs. If they were white they'd be perfect. Bah. Who cares about chairs??!

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  14. I'm not going to be very helpful because I love our venue. It is the one thing that I'm 100% sure of. Even though the beautiful staircase has horrid tartan carpet (finding a venue in Scotland without tartan carpet is tough) even though it isn't polished and perfect. They even have Ikea cutlery which is totally going to cause a riot. But hey who really cares, it suits us, there is not a chance in hell that we will be polished and perfect on the day. None of our cutlery matches. It is just the way we are. I hope you fall back in love with your venue. And girl you are the queen of all things cute and gorgeous so don't even give me any of that chat.

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  15. I didn't love our venue. In fact on the morning of the day I went round to do practical things (fluff out tissue paper pompoms, for example) & couldn't help noticing the lino floor, the scuffmarks on the wall... I did worry that people would think less of the wedding if it wasn't picture perfect bloggable beauty. But when I came back in the afternoon, it looked amazing. The flowers etc were fab but most importantly it was filled with the family & friends I love, all smiling back at me. It was perfect.

    So if you're in the market for a scuffed wall faded lino church hall in Brixton I can point you in the right direction...

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  16. I loved our venue the very first time I saw it - at someone elses wedding. So in our search for a venue it was always at the back of our minds. but when I went back and it was going to be OUR venue, it wasn't what I wanted, but the price was right. and then I agonized over making it something it simply could not be - I wanted an outdoor ceremony and our venue didn't even have a deck. I stressed about lighting (it is darkly romantic and I wanted an outdoor feel). well. my mom and aunt and friend labored over the flowers and tables and it ended up being gorgeous. and it was even more gorgeous because our families and friends were there to love and support us.
    All the pretty pictures in the blogs are just that, pretty pictures. Photographers ARE very skilled at hiding imperfections. Do not worry, your wedding will be beautiful and amazing because you are getting married there. just try not to look at other venues while you are surfing the wedding porn. that's the hardest one to avoid but, it will be lovely. I promise.

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  17. Oh the wedding venue issue... I just don't know on this one. Me and the OH are wrestling with it at the moment - we thought we found our 'perfect' venue but then it turned out the price was exactly perfect and neither was their lack of flexibility. We're just hoping there's something else out there that ticks what we're looking for...

    From as much as you've said though, your venue sounds lovely... It's maybe that you've been analysing it in too much detail? (I know I do that with everything!) Maybe try and concentrate on the bits that made you go 'yes' when you 'met'??

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  18. I had visions of gazebos, and sparkly fairy lights and crystals hanging down for the backdrop to our ceremony. In the end we got married at the foot of the stair case in our venue. It is an amazing building, and all you can see in our ceremony photos are stairs. Boring!

    Just make sure the bit in the photos (fireplace sounds perfect) looks super fabulous. You can hang backdrops etc up.

    I wish we had more time to do this. Would have made such a difference.

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  19. there's just way too much pressure to make our weddings so perfect. i used to cater for weddings, so i've been to LOTS and have never been to a perfect one in my life. i loved our venue... but there were definitely things that need not mentioning that i far from loved. and then there are the unexpected things, like looking up while you're walking down the aisle and seeing all your groomsmen wearing sunglasses, that you won't love either. what were they thinking?! i honestly, i think it's ok to not love everything about your wedding. it does not at all make you a brat. BUT, just keep in mind that everyone's wedding is a little wonky and at the end of the day, that's what makes them so special. xoxox

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  20. I agree with glasgowbride in that you probably dont have to love it but you should love how it will be on your day.

    Im not really that helpful though as I did totally love our venue and that was a huge part of the wedding prep for us, finding somewhere we loved and could see ourselves being there for our day, and in fact was the first thing we booked and what dictated our date.

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So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.

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