introversion and friendship

I am a (somewhat) proud introvert with the very very very occasional jaunts into extraversion.

Introversion is not...

The state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life.

Thank you very much Dr Freud for making us look so narcissistic.

Introversion is...

The state of processing emotions, thoughts, and observations internally.

It was only recently that I realised that I was an introvert as opposed to just shy and anti-social! I could never understand why I found it difficult to make friends when I always got on well with people. I can talk to anyone and often do. There truly is no greater thrill than to make one person or indeed an auditorium full of people laugh. I’m the one who talks to the old lady on the bus or when waiting at the post office. Then I suddenly twigged that people can view friendships totally differently. (I know sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake – my defence would be that I really did know and just didn’t realise!) I feel I can only call a friend a friend when I know them well, when we can laugh at each other and read their raised eyebrow. School, and then halls of residence, was perfect for me because I saw my closest friends everyday. However now I realise that other people view friends as I would acquaintances.

Don’t get me wrong I love my alone time, as only a true introvert does, but I do yearn for friendship.

Gosh this whole wedding matter does make you evaluate everything, doesn’t it!

Recently I had a discussion over dinner with friends about wedding numbers. As you may have guessed I like the idea of a small wedding – but is this only because I have so few friends? If I were to make a list of people I would invite if I had infinite funds my list would just tip one hundred people. I care for each of these people on the long list but I do tend to have more fun in smaller groups. I can also then have another party for the big group later on. Whoop!

A friend argued that she invites 100+ people to her birthday every year and I should have the big hoopla because that is what people do – now the mean girl inside me did think that only 20 people (tops) turned up for her birthday last year but that is another story – shush naughty anna!

Oh my, I have flitted around in this post! Time for me to stop talking and offer the floor to you.

So how do you view friendship?

whilst I was alone during the final of some football game

Oh how watching football is so dull.

So I decided to make use of the somewhat old blueberries in our fridge.

Et voila! Rather tasty I must say.

before I continue

Recently, in my mini hiatus/haze I have been thinking how much I enjoy the anonymity a blog provides but conversely I find that it is difficult to explain things fully without offering a bit more of myself to you.

So before I can go on, I feel that I really need to let people (or do I just mean myself) know a little more about me.

I guess I hope to find it cathartic and it will help me and hopefully, albeit somewhat more ambitiously, you help me in my quest towards marriagedom and the future in general!

So here's to random posts about me. Do not fret they shall be interspersed with loveliness!

I hope you don't mind?

a small intermission

Oh no, I think I have scared people away with my gigantic post yesterday. Today will be shorter and sweeter, I promise.

Oh maybe that should be it! I’m not feeling too great today. Although do not fret, it has not affected my shoe lust.

Back tomorrow. I hope!

my loves and loathes

So I thought I would try to give you a further insight into how my mind works by sharing some of my likes and dislikes. This may be a long list!

I like odd numbers – how I would love to have one table at my wedding!

I do not like symmetry – it scares me a little. Maybe the perfectionist inside me realises that I will never be able to make things perfect. Besides what is this obsession with perfection? Well I think this may turn in a post all on its own.

I do not like chair covers although they do often hide some hideous chairs but how hard can it be to bulk buy pretty chairs?

I do not like carpet – on the whole – why, oh why are so many pretty places ruined by super ugly monstrosities

Matchy matchiness – this upsets me so and I am sure it will become far more evident to you over the next few months – perhaps it deserves its own post aswell?!

Pink – oh my, it makes it so happy. Not pastel but deep, deep fuchsia – it makes my skin glow and the whole world seem a brighter place.

Grey – whether it be dove, charcoal or dreadnought – I love it so – it looks chic wherever it goes. I truly hope it does not become “on trend” this is a beauty I would like to keep with a select few!

Salted caramels – if you ever visit London I urge you to visit L’artisan du Chocolat and indulge. Nowhere else comes close – trust me. Try the originals or those with added balsamic vinegar. Délicieux!

Moustaches – I know, I know – this trend is sooooo last year but with my fingers tightly crossed I can only hope it has not truly reached UK shores just yet. They make me smile – everyone looks fabulous with a fake ‘tash!

Macarons – oh they are little pieces of ecstasy in your mouth – I am so happy (or maybe cursed) to live so close to Ladurée.

Gocco – unfortunately I am yet to actually strike gold with my beloved Gocco. I know it has potential and it will bring me joy. I just need to try harder! If anyone has any tips for my grumpy orange machine!

Letterpress – so beautiful, yet so expensive. Maybe if our guest list is small?!

Typewriters – again probably a little passé but I love my fab little Olivetti Valentine I got for a steal off eBay. One of my proudest eBay finds. Whoop. I love the fact it stops me from putting exclamation marks at the end of every sentence and it is red! People find it a little strange that I have a typewriter. I love feeling like Jessica Fletcher writing little notes to the boy whilst he’s sitting next to me or even just a shopping list. Although it would have made us infinitesimally happier, after we let my brother stay to revise, if we had come back to reams of paper saying “all work and no play makes Pickles* dull boy” but unfortunately he failed us. *his fabulous soubriquet from childhood

Chocolate fountains make me sad – they look hideous, always taste like vegetable oil and are beyond messy – why are they so popular?

Tiffany – whether we have to have a Tiffany ring or the fact that people have a Tiffany themed wedding. Je ne comprends pas! (I also do not understand themed weddings, themes for a children’s party yes, wedding no.)

Hmm maybe I should be a little more loving! So in that vein.

Jenny Packham – I love her wedding dresses. I may never wear one of her slinky designs but I want to, I really want to. Maybe I will make an appointment just to look at the beautifulness.

Shoes – I love shoes, flats, heels (but no wedges or kitten heels – obviously!) or platforms. I crave shoes. Every day (don’t tell the boy) I search for shoes. I am currently in love with these lovelies. Alexander McQueen Heart Peep toes! Only $929!! In my dreams!

Alexander McQueen

Good unpretentious food – don’t get me wrong. I love a good bit of pretentious food and I really appreciate living in London and eating fabulous food - lobster carpaccio with sea anemone foam, a tasting of Alsatian choucroute (well that was in San Francisco), toffee apple soufflé – I’m so there. However there is a reason restaurants only serve a few people at a time – they can only cook and serve a few at a time! Now it is possible to serve a good simple food en masse. I love the idea of everyone having a choice of meal. For me I love good British food. There is simply nothing better than roasted British beef served with mounds of purple sprouting broccoli, goose fat roasted potatoes and hundreds of Yorkshire puddings. Mmmmm. Oh my now I’m hungry.

Fascinators – I have never been one for fabulous clothes. Maybe because I am 5 foot 2” and generally clothes never look as amazing as they do on my giant friends! However, one thing I can use to compensate is a magnificent fascinator. Now I do not mean a few meagre feathers with some ugly diamantes stuck on. I mean one of these! (Ooo the prices have increased since I bought my one – and I did take off the faux pearls but I love it all the same!)

Louise Oliver

Peonies – the deeper the pink the better – need I say more?

Finally small weddings – I love them. I know they are not suitable for everyone but I will labour the point until the day we wed (and probably beyond).

And so I give the floor to you – do you agree or disagree with me? What would you wish to add to the list?

I cannot wait to hear from you. I love your comments. Honestly, they make my day. Anna x

something to smile about

I know that the general advice is not to look at too many other sites as it will cloud your judgement and make you doubt your decisions. However, I do want to showcase (well show you links to other more fabulous sites) fabulous weddings whether they cost £40 for £400,000. I do hope that I will find those weddings which are beautiful yet closer to the £40 mark.

Oh my this wedding is amazing. Whilst yellow is not my favourite colour it totally works as the accent colour here. Whilst it is not really how I would envision my wedding. I can't help but find it beautiful.

I would say more but seriously words defeat me. Just look at this teaser. Thank you Style Me Pretty your site always makes me smile.

Photos by www.ourlaboroflove.com via SMP

Now that has made me feel better. I just needed to make myself a little happier today.

So what do you think of the wedding?

i cried last night

I don’t know whether this is blog appropriate but we have a little mouse infestation. Now I would be happy if they were just running through our flat to get somewhere but they started attacking our pantry (well food cupboard!)

So we needed to do something. We started with a live trap which was obviously not tempting anyone. So we moved on to the horrible death traps. I’m not a vegetarian or spiritually inclined but I find it unsettling to have the power to decide what lives or dies.

Unfortunately the death traps worked. I was fine when the mouse we found was dead but last night I heard a trap go off and found this poor wee mouse dying. I just found this so distressing. At work I have watched people die. I know what to do to try and make them feel more comfortable (whatever that really means) but I could nothing to help this poor little thing. I felt helpless. All I could do was apologise for something so dreadful and hope that his little friends do not come to our little house again.

Rest in peace little one. I am sorry.

macarons or macaroons?

Not an entirely thrilling question. However it is one that has me puzzled.

I obviously mean these lovelies.

I was under the impression that they were spelt macaron. Macaroons whilst a tasty coconut treat, in my opinion, are not a patch on these beauties.

Even Ladurée, oh fabled one, spell the luscious macaron with two o’s. So answers on a postcard please!

What a thrilling question or was this post just a poorly veiled excuse for pretty, pretty pictures?

Apologies for lack of photo credit

a quandary, interrupted

So whilst the boy and I try and decide whether we want a hoopla or hooplow (ooo I do like making up new words!) I guess it would be fun to talk about other things.

So would you would kindly indulge me?

a quandary

Now we all know weddings can be ridiculously expensive. With the Pound being so weak and the general economic downturn it means that everything in the UK is more costly than ever before. Then again I know this means that suppliers should be more willing to haggle. So there are deals to be had.

However, as a couple very early on in our careers we have modest (read no!) savings and little in the way of disposable income. We are currently renting our lovely flat in London, do not own a car (although having a car in London is by no means essential) and have no children. Basically our biggest commitment is rent and mobile phone bills.

So here is the quandary, my generous parents have offered us a serious amount of money as a gift for our wedding but have hinted that we may want to use it in the future as part of our mortgage deposit or something similar.

Actually, yesterday I met with a lovely friend who found the pressure from her parents and the general demands, that the wedding industry generally demands, far too tedious, rift making and ultimately disheartening. One minute she was trying to source the perfect laser cut butterflies for the tables and the next she was a Mrs. Does she regret anything? Yes – but only the 8 months it took to make the decision. Her wedding was perfect (for her), everyone ate like kings, drank like fishes, and most of all she got married in front of her loved ones and in these shoes!

Neiman Marcus

Now we are both sensible people and our first instinct would be take the incredible offer of money and invest. Nothing high risk – although what isn’t in the current climate?

My parents eloped, have no physical mementos of their day but their memories and they are still together 30 years later. I do dream of a seriously simple day with a small registry office wedding, on the hip and trendy King’s Road – very close to where we live now, with just our parents, for the rest of our friends and family to meet us outside with confetti and a Routemaster bus with the Champagne flowing to take us to my parents house for a delicious decadent meal around one long table, without a tablecloth.

However, no sooner as this thought has crossed our minds we both have a far more powerful yearning to have our day to openly declare our love for each other in front of our loved ones. Again we both know this need not be a serious hoopla but we (well the boy maybe a little bit more) want to have something. Now what is that something? My other dream would be for us to hire a large private house with room for 40 people. Preferably somewhere it might snow in Scotland in November. We would all arrive on the Friday for an afternoon of decorating and reminiscing. We would marry on the Saturday in a Humanist ceremony in the morning, enjoy a decadent meal with wine a plenty. We would dance ‘til dawn with our friends and loved ones. There would be room for relaxing, karaoke and other frivolities. On the Sunday we would wake and cook a colossal brunch and giggle over the previous evening’s exploits until we had to leave. Perfect. Now we only need to find somewhere that allows us to cater, does not charge corkage and is pretty. Oh, and does not require the sale of some of our non-essential organs.

We also know we can always make more money. As my mother in law says “Sometimes it is worth living in the now” than planning for a future which may not even happen. But the nagging doubt in my mind is whether it is supremely selfish to spend a ridiculous sum of money on one event? On the other hand?! I could argue this for hours and still be no closer to knowing what I actually think.

We both have career paths which mean we will always be able to find work in some capacity. They are not recession proof but there will always be jobs particularly allied to law which will need well trained staff and hospitals regularly are in need of locum doctors. So for the next few years at least we would be able to survive. Another delightful quirk of medical training is that when deciding on the type of speciality you wish to pursue you have two choices. Either you choose the type of speciality you love or you choose the place in which you want to work. I only want to follow one path (and if I did not gain a training post in this speciality I would be “happy” to try another career) and this may require me to travel the length and breadth of the country for the next few years before I became a consultant. So it would be foolish to mortgage up in a city in which I may not stay. But on the other hand maybe we should make ourselves a nest in one city which we can call home. Oh gosh I have been rambling on - Help!

I would love to hear your stories and why your day was or will be perfect for you.

Enjoy the rest of your Bank Holiday or Memorial Day weekend.

Anna xxx

oops again

I had the pleasure of a Champagne afternoon/evening yesterday. I shall post with some sort of eloquence again tomorrow. I promise.

Blame the ring. Everyone wants to see it!

A very poor quality photo of my ring and a pretty pretty ladybird sitting by the Thames in the sunshine. In honour of Peonies and Polaroids! A fab blog.

Until tomorrow.

my vision

I am not one of those who had always dreamed of her wedding. I was never interested in the Royal weddings and was never a flowergirl (sob). Yet I am often mocked with a story of when I was at nursery. Every morning, my Mamgu (welsh for grandmama) and I would walk to nursery and the final yards would be a sprint to the “marriage dress.” I, on the other hand, have no recollection of these events and I do hope the wedding dress looked something like this.

Leah Wood - Via Moodboard

I was trying to find a truly ugly dress but came across Leah Wood’s fabulous dress. It divided opinion but I love it! Not sure if I would be able to get away with it but it is undoubtedly beautiful.

Still, I do like the thought that I was acutely aware, even at such a young age, that the wedding was the beginning and not the end– well perhaps! I was a bit of a tomboy and I cannot recall ever thinking about my “perfect day.”

However since I met the boy I developed a deep love of pink and become ridiculously girly. I am not ashamed and like to think my style is shabby chic luxe with a mere soupçon of pink. Although the boy may disagree about me calling my lust around our flat as a soupçon!

Though, I do have to admit since things became serious with the boy I have been lusting over wedding blogs, magazines and noting down fabulous details from family and friends weddings.

I know it is a bit of a cliche but I do love vintage or antique items. I love smaller weddings (and by small I mean less than 40 people) which take up an entire weekend with love, fun and frivolity. Above all, I want my wedding to embody the shabby chic luxe vibe but more importantly to be a relaxed, fun and imperfect day.

How about you, how do you envision your day?

oh the horror

My poor (useless) external hard drive has died. 1TB of data gone. I am truly devastated – well not really but I may shed a tear. So please forgive my lack of posting.

I will be posting soon, if not later today. I promise. Anna x

the proposal

So to the proposal. I knew I wanted to marry the boy for years. We both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together for some time. I fantasised about the “perfect ring.” In my mind it looked a little something like this.

AP photo

Yep, that’s Camilla, Duchess of Devonshire’s beautiful fabulous ring. I spent hours and hours day dreaming about a similar ring. Unfortunately as we are neither of royal descent nor Russian oligarchs we would have been well into retirement before we could actually afford anything as magnificent.

So as I said before I had resigned myself to waiting for an eternity until the Boy popped the question. (Obviously this did not stop me enjoying the wonderful world of wedding blogs looking for inspiration for the future) Yet, my beloved girlfriends were receiving offers of marriage at an alarming rate and I felt my eyes becoming greener and greener.

Now things start to become a little confusing as I have to explain both sides of our little story. Unbeknownst to me, whilst we were at his sister’s wedding his mother had offered him her own engagement ring. This led to the Boy agonising for weeks about what to do. I was happily oblivious. Should he use the “free” ring or should he wait? In the end, I am happy to say, he chose the “free” ring of which he had no recollection – indeed when he pictured the ring he was thinking of his grandmother’s ring. As an optimistic chap, he had one of his many brothers bring it down to London and hoped I would love it. It would seem I would be the last to know about his imminent intentions.

It was only after having the ring in our flat for a week, with me becoming increasingly suspicious, did he pop the question. The tension was palpable. We had eaten some delicious seafood and were settling down with the rest of our wine when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. After the initial shock-nay adrenaline rush-had passed and I said yes, I got myself acquainted with my new ring. We sat sipping some fabulous vintage champagne, from my favourite champagne saucers, with me gazing giddily at my ring and into his delighted, albeit relieved, eyes. A perfect day.

So here she is my new baby. My beautiful ring. Forgive my abysmal photography skills but I love the second picture so very much.

How lucky am I to have a fabulous mother in law to be with fabulous taste in engagement rings. She chose her over 40 years ago. So I guess she is a very lucky ring and although I know one day I will pass this on to another young blissfully happy couple, I am quite happy she will get to stay with me for a while longer!

And whilst I always said I wanted a 1.5(+!) carat emerald cut platinum ring with 2 baguettes either side, my ring is me. I cannot imagine a ring more perfect for me. I love that the sapphire is dark, yet its intensity radiates, and how the little diamonds sparkle in the light. It is elegant, different (read quirky) and timeless. The three words with which I hope to describe myself – one day.

I love being so happy. Anna x

my intended and me

The Boy and I formally met over a game of spin the bottle as wide eyed Freshers almost 9 years ago. We kissed and as you say the rest is history. We just seemed to click. Corny, I know, but it has always seemed so right between us. We’ve had our downs but our ups have more than made up for times when we were apart. Indeed we have spent up to 6 months apart (and almost 4 months of that with me literally on the other side of the world working in a hospital on a tiny island in the Pacific with seriously erratic internet connections!)

We both had entirely different paths planned at different universities and I was originally due to take a gap year. However happily we both ended up at the same university at the same time and because of this I do believe – however foolishly - in fate. I rationalise this by thinking it would be impossible for two people so perfect for one another to converge in the same halls of residence in London despite studying entirely different subjects. Believe me at my alma mater the medics and the computing geeks were somewhat immiscible.

Polly Jarman

I bought this photograph from Polly Jarman last year. It was taken from just behind our halls of residence in which we lived. I'm pretty sure it used to say, "I love you" which makes its current incarnation rather poignant. However I look at this on our wall and think how I loved our time together when we were wee freshers.

And on to my lovely Boy. He is a lawyer – most of what he actually does is lost on me but he loves his work. He is the youngest of his fabulous Northern Clan. I love his family and have spent many a happy holiday with them all. I love that they mock me like I were their brother. I also love how the Boy is loved by my family with them all mocking him as their own!

The boy is a lawyer – most of what he actually does is lost on me but he loves his work. He is the youngest of his fabulous Northern Clan. I love his family and have spent many a happy holiday with them all. I love that they mock me like I were their brother. I also love how the boy is loved by my family with them all mocking him as their own!

But how does one describe the love of your life for the past 8 years? Perhaps through the words of Patrick from Coupling* (series 4 episode 3) he is “a hairy, inquisitive sex octopus with concealment crevices.” Think of that what you will but no statement could embody him more accurately! How else to describe him? Perhaps through his loves which I think are (in this order) hugs, kittens, his Xbox sorry spreadsheets and random general knowledge. Truly, he is the guy you want on a quiz team. Above all, his is perfect. I’m so glad I found him before any other girl nabbed him!

As for me, I’m a junior doctor (so forgive my tardy replies and potentially long gaps between posts), hoping to pursue a very geeky speciality, if the evil and unscrupulous world of doctor training will allow. I love pink (but only very specific shades – the darker the better), kittens and architectural antiques. I often day dream of another life where I am a writer for 30 rock* but medicine is what truly enthrals me. My favourite question really is “why?” and although this is an involuntary reaction to anything new I have at least learnt to internalise this thought to the relief of my seniors. Hopefully through the medium of blog I’ll be able to tell you more about my life and passions.

Until then, I think the following little nugget represents us quite accurately.

ErinEverAfter

As for today I shall bid you farewell, Anna x

*two shows I would thoroughly recommend.

oops these arrived today

Recently I had all but given up on the boy actually proposing.

Consequently I decided that I needed to get myself some pretty rings. My favourite is posted here with a link to the fabulous etsy seller - Zulasurfing- who made it for me.

I absolutely adore this ring. I love it. It makes me feel so special despite the issue of having to take it off when dancing for fear of maiming people! Indeed I know one of my lovely friends ensures she stays well away until the ring is safely in my clutch bag.

Well these arrived this morning! I love that things sometimes take longer to arrive from the US (although our Royal Mail isn't always that great). It allows me to forget what I've bought and it's always a nice surprise. Do you like? They are from by:AMT. Definitely check out their site. Many fabulous things.

Tomorrow, I shall introduce you to my lovely boy assuming I don't get another exciting unexpected package. Which knowing me isn't too unlikely. Yikes.

Enjoy the sunshine.

Anna x

my first

So hello I’m Anna and at 27 years this is my first venture into bloghood. Despite being a seasoned blog stalker I have never felt the urge to document the minutiae of my life. Until now!

I am not entirely sure how this will all pan out but I hope to enjoy documenting the trials and tribulations of planning my wedding*. Self-indulgent? Yes, but my ability to remember the important, albeit minute, details in my life is atrocious. Also how fabulous would it be, to look back in a few years, to see my old carefree life?

I have been inspired by so many blogs over the past few years and only hope that now I shall be able to offer the occasional glimmer of inspiration to others. A bold statement I know! I want to share my favourite sites and shops both in the UK and those faraway.

So I shall resolve to take more photographs of my “inspiration” and also refrain from using multiple exclamation marks and making other poor grammatical errors that seems to pepper my usual writing.

I will, of course, introduce you to my significant others over the next few days.

Nevertheless that’s all from me today. I shall simply leave you with my new companion and my muse, my beautiful ring.

Anna x

*I do understand that it is “our” wedding but with the benefit of artistic licence can we just read our when I write my!