Monday, 20 July 2009

my first

So, this is the long awaited and much vaunted debut of “the boy”. I do worry that Anna’s rather built this up too much, but anyway. Here we go…

I think I’ll probably start with exactly the topic that Anna said I would, the propaganda that surrounds the whole wedding business and the role of the groom therein. Before you all chime in, yes I do have a mind of my own but I think Anna’s already explained my decision making processes and it’s probably best actually get something written and hope the momentum carries me forward. Oh, and before I properly get started I’d like to just correct the possible impression that you might have of me personally. So far Anna’s told you that I like playing video games and making spreadsheets which clearly marks me out as the most boring man alive. Well I’m not exactly sure what to say about that. I don’t want to seem too desperate for your approval but I’d like you to believe that I am at least marginally more interesting than that suggests.

Of course the main focus (
foci?) of my ire are the wedding magazines. Anna got started on the magazines a while back when my cousin was organising her wedding (which was lovely, although I did get rather, rather too drunk and ever since my mother has thought that I have an alcohol problem. An impression Anna has done her utmost to reinforce whenever I see her). It’s at this point that I’ll apologise about the overuse of brackets (or parentheses if you’re being pedantic).

A magazine has (looking at the first one to hand) about 300 pages, half of which is adverts. Of the remaining part that is actually articles you’ll see that maybe about ten pages are for or about the groom and that includes everything to do with the Best Man, ushers, gifts for the Best Man and the ushers and a couple of pictures of suits. I can forgive some of that because there’s a little bit more to be thinking about with dresses than for a suit (though only a little as you might see later) and there’s a limit to how much I can care about flowers. It’s not really that, it’s the content that bothers me. The same every month and clearly very much an afterthought. The sum total of wisdom dispensed in these sections seems to be that all the man needs to do is let the woman do whatever she wants and make sure your ushers do what they’re told. Television is no better, though unless you’
ve got Sky/Cable you’re spared the occasionally hilarious drivel that turns up on Wedding TV. Don’t Tell The Bride would have you believe that a man successfully planning a wedding is the most remarkable and improbable thing that could possibly occur.

The general impression given by the media is that if you’re a man and you want to be involved in the wedding beyond just turning up then there’s something rather absurd and slightly wrong about you. It’s not going to stop me but then where do I look for guidance about how to handle things? I’
ve got three older brothers but none of them are married or engaged and I’m the first of any of my friends to get engaged so none of them are any use. The only option left is the dubious characters that you find on the internet. So if you’ve got any suggestions…

ve just realised that as well as being boring, I’m also coming across as being rather ranty. Hopefully I should remedy that in future episodes which should, if Anna has her way, be occurring about once a week.


  1. Nice to hear from you. And yes it's true there isn't much for men wishing to be somehow involved in wedding planning. I'm not sure where to look for guidance sorry, not much help I know! Perhaps you could start a website/blog for grooms?

  2. nice to hear from you! i do hope my guy is actively involved in planning our wedding. it is his day as well after all.

    i'm sure you can find some guides on the good 'ole internet. there's [who was mr. mango on weddingbee]. he's VERY active in the planning of his wedding. and i think i've seen some other blogs by grooms but i can't think of any of the names. helpful, i know.

    good luck!

  3. Hello! Its nice to hear from you after hearing so much about you. I am jumping on the "start our own blog" bandwagon! I don't have any really good suggestions for where to look for guidance...although one blog had a grooms week here:

  4. ah, just spent ages writing a comment on why I think grooms are less well catered for and then it disappeared.

    my point was much that I spend a lot of my time on the small details of our life; M spends his on food, wine and music. Thus when it came to the wedding we naturally divided our input along these lines.

  5. So nice of you to write a post! Videos and spreadsheets doesn't make anyone boring! When I show my friends how to do formulas in excel they find it fascinating, or at least they pretend to be fascinated by it :-) My fiancee is trying to be involved, he looks at the venues and information I send him, but as far as all the online resources and wedding forums where I get most of my info from, they seem to be geared to women. He definitely has an opinion on all things wedding related & wants to be involved in every decision, but it would be nice if he did more of the research and not just say yes or no. I just heard about this website for grooms hope it helps!

  6. Hi Boy, so nice to hear from you! Those things doesn't sound boring to me at all, you'll do fine. But I agree that a groom who wants to be involved is met with a little suspicion. Let's change that!

    And I don't really care for the wmags - the internet is were it's happening nowadays. So I agree with Foxywedding, the first thing any groom should do to be able to be involved and get some things actually done is start a blog and actually talk to other people out there. And hey - here you are! Yeay!

  7. Lovely to hear from a groom for a change - maybe I could persuade my boy to do the same (not likely!) He was only really interested in the church / venue / photographer and of course, the cars, but all the other details he is happy to leave to me, as much as I try to involve him. I will definitely direct him to this post!

  8. Hi Boy! There is a pretty aweseom groom blog I swa recently called Temple of Groom, check it out, hoep you enjoy!

  9. Love it. Clever man. Wish mine would write a guest post, but that is something that he keeps steadfastly refusing, no matter how much I poke fun of him online to bait him into doing it. :)

  10. hooray!! thanks for your post... it's so nice to get a male voice chiming into this - as you point out - estrogen-soaked world of all things wedding. i wholeheartedly agree that the whole wedding industry is fubar. it needs an overhaul, and maybe it will be men like you who give it that extra push into the 21st century. welcome!!

  11. Hi Boy! Nice to meet you. You're pretty awesome to post on Anna's blog. Looking forward to more posts from you. p.s. love the use of 'foci'

  12. Hi, its so nice to see a man around here! I recommend, and - both wedding blogs that are not about flowers (bores me as well honestly).

    Here's a tip- we love our wedding porn, so don't forget the pictures!

  13. A boy! On a wedding blog! Somebody pass me my smelling salts.

    Wedding magazines infuriate me, for all of the same reasons that you right about. At least half of it is advertising and I swear that the (dreadful) articles are the same every bloody month, they just change the pictures around.

  14. I'm with Peonies: a boy on a wedding blog?

    Seriously, though, the wedding industry can be infuriating. Wade (my husband of 7 weeks) helped out a lot. He went to 2 wedding shows with me (bribed by a trip to a good restaurant afterwards). He helped me plan everything except dress-related stuff (for obvious reasons) and flowers (which he told me do not interest him). We picked the meal together, we picked the readings together (okay, I read them to him, and he yayed or nayed until we had them narrowed down) and we picked the ceremony music together (I found you-tube clips of the music I liked, and he yayed or nayed). Wade helped out wherever I needed it, put in his two cents when something mattered, and expressed his opinion when he cared about it.

    For example, I wanted an open bar champagne cocktail hour. Wade wanted a cash bar with beer. So we had free champagne and a cash bar of whatever else you wanted. Surprisingly, no one wanted the free champagne. It was good champagne, too!

    So forge your own path. Ignore the magazines (they're sexist drivel for half the pages, and the other half the pages are ads!). And have fun! Make sure you have fun.


So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.


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