Thursday, 16 July 2009

forgive my sins

I know I shouldn’t, I know it’s wrong but I have to admit I watch the TV show Bridezillas. One of the the most exciting parts of moving flat was that would could subscribe to sky and watch the delicious awfulness of WeddingTV. Oh sometimes I wish I was in one of those fantabulous households which function without a TV.

Their piece de resistance is a US show, B****zillas, for those uninitiated it is basically a fly on the wall documentary watching brides in the final weeks before their wedding and the event itself. Their “prize” is their wedding on film and a honeymoon to Jamaica. Now even from the UK package deals to Jamaica aren’t super expensive so I imagine they would be even cheaper from the US. Personally I would much rather snuggle up in a cheap little remote Scottish cottage for a couple of days than have my “moments” documented on film.

The boy and I watch slacked jawed at the shocking antics of brides (and grooms)*. Now we are not super naive and realise that most of these “little” outbursts are manufactured and edited for full effect but let me present to you a few choice sound bites from just a few shows.

"My two year old niece, if she doesn’t walk slowly i will be mad"

Seriously? She's two years old. Who cares if she can't walk in a straight line, if she runs to the end of the aisle and then dumps all the petals in one go. Whatever she does it will be cute and even if you think it isn't she is you niece not an employee!

"Its my wedding day I don’t care about anyone else here" and "I only care about me and my wedding – its mine - the groom is a guest"

Gosh, I really do not know where to start. If you do not care for them why have you invited them to your wedding? I want my day to be about me, the boy and everyone there. Whilst the boy may not care about the colour of the flowers he does care about the food, decor and other infinitesimally minute things and you know what I actually care what he thinks!

"My biggest fear if a wedding vendor does not turn up"

Your biggest fear? If this vendor happens to be a priest or officiant. This would mean you can't actually get married. Otherwise, who really cares if there are no flowers, doves or horse drawn carriages. If a caterer failed to show I would be sad, (and would be prepared to get mad at a future date!) but does it stop me from getting married? No. Yes my carefully laid delicious plans would be in tatters but it does mean we can order a huge Chinese takeaway! I've never really thought of myself as an optimist but all this wedding planning does make you think!

"I am only inviting the people who will spend an appropriate amount" and "now is the best part of the night is to come - we get to go back to our hotel and.....open all the little envelopes"

Oh could one sentence make me seethe with rage? I believe so! How unbelievably rude and inappropriate. Will you no invite your poverty stricken grandmamma if she couldn't spend money on you? How about you best friend for 15 years who can't afford to fly across the country at your beck and call and then buy you a present? Weddings are about love and not money.

"Code 3 means someone is coming in who's not on the list"

She literally had walkie talkies and gave out codes to her wedding party to ensure people did not gatecrash. Now obviously we did not hear the back story but I can't believe anyone really needs to worry about security. Well unless, you happen to be part of a mafia crime family and marrying someone from another family. That could have some security issues. Although I would still like to think that two members of the different families marrying would bring everybody together.

Now I know I could be super bitchy about the weddings themselves nearly all are not to my taste. However, whilst I think some things are tacky, to others they may be perfection. Trash is another’s treasure. What I find incredulous is the attitude some of these “ladies” have to their nearest and dearest. Yes, I snap at my mother, sometimes when she deserves it and sometimes not so much. Yet, I would never force her to wear something she didn’t want to, swear profusely or tell her what to do (mainly because she wouldn’t listen for she is Matriarch.) I would not lock up the fridge so my bridesmaid could not eat, force them to self tan or make them dye their hair. It just seem ludicrous to me. There are hundreds of similar incidents, far too many to list here. Honestly, I love watching because it makes me realise how undemanding and level headed I am. The boy occasionally agrees.

*Bridezillas is a definite must for couples, it shows how the ridiculousness of wedding planning. Another favourite of ours used to be the Jewellery Channel for the super amusing gems on sale. Oh to sit there and guess the ridiculous starting prices, which even they say implies no value or worth!

7 comments:

  1. Ha ha! Isnt Wedding tv fab - Graham hates it!

    I do watch this show too, its hilarious!

    Last night i was watching it and the bride actually bought her mum a dress that she hated and almost made her wear it. When she didnt on the morning on the wedding, the bride made her mum give her the money! Whats that about!

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  2. "I would not lock up the fridge so my bridesmaid could not eat"

    oh my goodness. someone actually did that?

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  3. this show always makes me feel so much better about my bouts of wedding-control-ism.

    i make sure josh is there to watch, so he has an appropriate barometer of how bitchy i am. (compared to these girls, i'm not too shabby, at least)

    did you catch the one episode where the bride was demanding a $30,000 ring? my all-time favorite!

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  4. That show is so funny! I think it's a great idea to have the fiancee watch it, maybe show him how great it is not to have a bridezilla!

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  5. My emergency "where is the caterer?" plan: pizza. Lots and lots of pizza. From every pizza parlor in the city if need be. We could make it a pizza taste-testing! And at least we know the alcohol will be there, since we bought it ahead of time and we're delivering it ourselves. I tend to think lots of wine makes pizza even more fun.

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  6. OMG surely they are not for real. I dont have foxtel but will have to take your word for it I didnt thought people like that were just made up. urghh.

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  7. i love this show!! too bad, they're no longer showing it on tv here. sooo entertaining to watch!!

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So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.

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