Sunday, 31 May 2009

introversion and friendship

I am a (somewhat) proud introvert with the very very very occasional jaunts into extraversion.

Introversion is not...

The state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life.

Thank you very much Dr Freud for making us look so narcissistic.

Introversion is...

The state of processing emotions, thoughts, and observations internally.

It was only recently that I realised that I was an introvert as opposed to just shy and anti-social! I could never understand why I found it difficult to make friends when I always got on well with people. I can talk to anyone and often do. There truly is no greater thrill than to make one person or indeed an auditorium full of people laugh. I’m the one who talks to the old lady on the bus or when waiting at the post office. Then I suddenly twigged that people can view friendships totally differently. (I know sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake – my defence would be that I really did know and just didn’t realise!) I feel I can only call a friend a friend when I know them well, when we can laugh at each other and read their raised eyebrow. School, and then halls of residence, was perfect for me because I saw my closest friends everyday. However now I realise that other people view friends as I would acquaintances.

Don’t get me wrong I love my alone time, as only a true introvert does, but I do yearn for friendship.

Gosh this whole wedding matter does make you evaluate everything, doesn’t it!

Recently I had a discussion over dinner with friends about wedding numbers. As you may have guessed I like the idea of a small wedding – but is this only because I have so few friends? If I were to make a list of people I would invite if I had infinite funds my list would just tip one hundred people. I care for each of these people on the long list but I do tend to have more fun in smaller groups. I can also then have another party for the big group later on. Whoop!

A friend argued that she invites 100+ people to her birthday every year and I should have the big hoopla because that is what people do – now the mean girl inside me did think that only 20 people (tops) turned up for her birthday last year but that is another story – shush naughty anna!

Oh my, I have flitted around in this post! Time for me to stop talking and offer the floor to you.

So how do you view friendship?


  1. it's interesting, isn't it, the things that weddings bring up in us? i've been thinking about this very issue myself, and although i am very similar to you in my introvert with the occasional side of extrovert tendencies, i actually am having the opposite problem with my guest list.
    partly because i have a HUGE family, and partly because matt is someone who needs social interaction the way a crackhead needs smack, our bare bones guest list is over 100 people. our ideal list is more like 200, and our actual list will probably be about 150. i'm feeling very torn, because i would LOVE a small wedding - i think it would be more intimate and much calmer (i wouldn't feel compelled to spend hours "making the rounds" to greet everyone) - but at the same time, i love the idea of having all the people i love in the same room with us. i'm sure it will work itself out, and either way we will have a blast, but i do wish the answer was more clear....

  2. You are funny! (I love the evil-ness :) )

    I'm having my wedding this August - I also love the idea of something smaller and more intimate. We both have so much family scattered around the globe that we invited a larger number (150 or so) knowing much less would make it, and are expecting around 85... I like this number, not too big, not too little...

  3. We had a tiny guest list (40 peoples) which included all of our respective family and every friend we have. We're introverts too. People who were cut from the list were people I haven't been in touch with for years or family friends as opposed to our friends. I would love to have more friends but I'm not very good at the first few years of getting to know people and I've known all of my small handful of friends for at least 6 years!

  4. Friendwise I think I must be quite like you - I take my time to make (what I call) friends.

    Hmm, also I don't enjoy being the centre of attention and so a smaller guest list would suit me just fine!


So, I really love all the sweet and/or informative comments that you lovelies leave. Yet if you feel the need to be unnecessarily rude or offensive I will delete your comment and not feel bad about it. So just be constructive alright! Hugs to all you wondrous others.


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