I am a (somewhat) proud introvert with the very very very occasional jaunts into extraversion.
Introversion is not...
The state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life.
Thank you very much Dr Freud for making us look so narcissistic.
The state of processing emotions, thoughts, and observations internally.
It was only recently that I realised that I was an introvert as opposed to just shy and anti-social! I could never understand why I found it difficult to make friends when I always got on well with people. I can talk to anyone and often do. There truly is no greater thrill than to make one person or indeed an auditorium full of people laugh. I’m the one who talks to the old lady on the bus or when waiting at the post office. Then I suddenly twigged that people can view friendships totally differently. (I know sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake – my defence would be that I really did know and just didn’t realise!) I feel I can only call a friend a friend when I know them well, when we can laugh at each other and read their raised eyebrow. School, and then halls of residence, was perfect for me because I saw my closest friends everyday. However now I realise that other people view friends as I would acquaintances.
Don’t get me wrong I love my alone time, as only a true introvert does, but I do yearn for friendship.
Gosh this whole wedding matter does make you evaluate everything, doesn’t it!
Recently I had a discussion over dinner with friends about wedding numbers. As you may have guessed I like the idea of a small wedding – but is this only because I have so few friends? If I were to make a list of people I would invite if I had infinite funds my list would just tip one hundred people. I care for each of these people on the long list but I do tend to have more fun in smaller groups. I can also then have another party for the big group later on. Whoop!
A friend argued that she invites 100+ people to her birthday every year and I should have the big hoopla because that is what people do – now the mean girl inside me did think that only 20 people (tops) turned up for her birthday last year but that is another story – shush naughty anna!
Oh my, I have flitted around in this post! Time for me to stop talking and offer the floor to you.
So how do you view friendship?